Winter wardrobe

This is a very complicated undertaking.

At the minute, all our winter clothes are sealed in vacuum bags (squishes a whole wardrobe into a 2 foot block)

Summer clothes take up much less space. So now I have to start thinking about vacuum packing away the summer clothes.

There are many reasons I do not want to do this right now.

1) Is it actually going to stay cold?

2) We still need some summer clothes to create layer wearing for autumn.

3) All those winter clothes in the vacuum bag are going to need to be ironed.

3) is my main reason for not wanting to start this process.

I may soon have to unvacuumpack the winter duvet.

It is about 12 degrees here tonight, which in my new Pom terms is not cold.

Nowhere near putting the central heating on yet, but I have put on socks and a cardigan.

Visitors

Our street is a residential one.. .a cul de sac.

To park anywhere in the street you need either a resident's permit or a resident visitors permit.

The parking ticket hours are from 8am to 10.30 pm. There are at least 10 parking warden visits per day.

Don't even TRY to park illegally.

So, for £10 I can buy a book of visitors parking permits from The Parking Shop in Kingston upon Thames. I am allowed 10 books per year. 10 pages per book.

If a visitor parks in our street for a day, they need 3 tickets to cover the whole time. So, in 3 days, that's a whole book.

I know I don't have many friends, but bloody hell!

You will NOT believe this!

For the London cat that doesn't have a garden...plant your very own wee tray of grass.

My grandkitten has one of these. Isn't it precious!

and speaking of chavs...

The Jeremy Kyle show is the biggest chav show in the UK..no..in the world. I watch it to get an insight into chav UK. While I am ironing.

Admittedly, it is like the Jerry Springer Show, without the nudity and violence, but is still scary . More scary actually seeing as I live here.

The Jeremy Kyle show is sponsored by Foxy Bingo.com. Their little logo is a very sweet fox that winks at you and says "hey sweet cheeks"

I was strangely flattered. Smiled back at the dear wee fox.

Please kill me now.

Chavs

Very hard to explain what a chav is.

First time I came across it was when I wore my (very actually expensive, I will have you know) Burberry scarf, and Dr Lauren said "No, no , mummy, you can't wear that, it is a chav thing"

At that time, not really knowing what a chav was, I did wear it again. Now I know. I took it to Oxfam, where, no doubt, some happy chav bought it for £1.

So, if you watch Little Britain (Vicky Pollard) and Catherine Tate, you will start to get the idea.

Chavs shop at Asda. They say the C word in public. They are incredible, and quite unbelievable. And ENDLESSLY fascinating on the bus. Their diction is shocking.

There is a chav who seems to live near us as I have seen her about 4 times now. She is very pretty, looks like a WAG, about 24, and has 5 children , the oldest being about 9 and the youngest looks about 18 months. She YELLS at them and swears at them so loudly that it is quite disturbing.

She was coming out of the doctors today as I was going in. The eldest child was weeping. The other 4 (2 in a twin pram, 2 holding onto the twin pram handles.)

So this was how the conversation went, at about 100 decibels

Well yeah, we are goin' home right, so fucking shut it, and you can't take your shoes off now, BECAUSE I SAID SO, you right little madam you are, don't start with me...SHUDDUP. What are you like?

Scared the shit out of me. Luckily I had my shoes on for a change.

Drinking with the Poms

I have realised that In SA, with Discovery , they prefer you to be unhealthy because they make more money that way. Not so on the NHS.

Apart from the smoking and the 5 a day , drinking is a big deal to them

Live here...and boy oh boy, drinking is a whole new issue.

2 glasses of wine and a cognac per night is not acceptable. It is equal to 9 units. 2 units a day is the limit.

(units are a BAD thing)

A Pom glass of wine (one unit) is about the equivalent of a SA glass of sherry. In the pubs you can have a small glass or a large glass. Even the large glass is laughable.

Order a cognac and you would be hard pushed to see it in the bottom of the glass.

So, basically, a Saffa drinks an entire week's unit allowance in one evening. That would be if you are at home in front of the TV.

I drank my whole years's unit allowance at Welkom Friend Charlotte's braai .

(the less said about that , the better)

The recycling doesn't help. You are forced to drink less so that you are not embarrassed when you put the rubbish out.

Dr Lauren says all Saffas are alcoholics, especially the ones our age.

Those of you with small children, encourage them to be bottle store owners, not medical students.

Oh...and there is no such thing as a bottle store here. It is an 'off licence'

In the SA shops, a bottle of Klippies costs £20.

A bottle of OBS costs £10

There is no such thing as Cane here, so in the SA shops it is £30

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha .

Cataclysmic recycling event

Yes, I know I said no more recycling stories unless it was cataclysmic...

but LOOK!

The fecking fox has eaten my cardboard recycling container.

Now what? How do I recycle the recycling container? I guess it goes in green box/textiles. But then what? Do I have to buy a new one for the cardboard?

Life is complicated here.

A light bulb blew. I had to google how to dispose of it... so , have to comply with WEEE.

Google it yourself. I am fed up with the whole thing.

WEEE my arse.

Friendly Surbiton

Well now. I am settling into village life here in my wee dolls house.

I have joined the library reading group, first meeting 28th September.

Yes, same formula...we all read the same book.

I have also joined Fat Club, although they don't like it when I call it that, but that's what it is. The official name is 'Weigh-to Go'

Have joined a writing group- first meeting on Friday.

Nobody can say I am not making an effort.

Anyway...very exciting...today I had coffee with a New Friend.

Not to take away from my lovely Amiga Jane and Welkom Friend Charlotte , but a POM Friend whom I did not even have to ASK to be my friend.

She is also in Fat Club. We are actually the thinnest people in Fat Club.

Thin being a relative term here. But if we do have to discuss it, we are thinner by about 30 kilograms. Not that Fat Club has any idea what a kilogram is. They all talk about Stones. What the fuck is that? Although, I must admit I was kak impressed when one fatty said she had lost half a stone. It sounded like an amazing achievement. Big Deal. I have also lost half a stone.

It is about three kilograms.

Whoopie Doo

The bloody 32 yoghuts I bought probably weighed 3 kilograms.

It is a great pity that ironing doesn't burn off more calories.

food glorious food

Look at these fabulous mushrooms I bought at Borough Market! Aren't they amazing?

It's no wonder I am so fat...all these new foods- one stomach.

On the plus side, I only have FIVE yoghurts left!

(I did give some to Lovely Niece Sam) but honestly, who could possibly eat that many all by themselves?? (themself?)

Who...singular, so = themself...hmm, still not very good grammar.

Who could possibly eat that many? Full stop. To avoid a tautology, but no, not actually a tautology, just bad sentence construction.

Grandmamma

Dr Lauren and Darling Simon have a kitten. His name was Doug, but he is a girl, so her name is Indie, I am going with Dougindie seeing as nobody else seems to be able to make a decision. This is what I bought for her.

Fucking hell you really can get anything in this country!

Hee Hee

Last word on Recycling

I realise I have been going on a bit about recycling, much as I went on a bit last year about weather. So this is the last you will hear on the subject unless there is a cataclysmic recycling event.

I am buying this dustbin for the kitchen, bringing my bin total to 9.

This is basically to help The Hubby and to help in winter when it will be too cold to go into the bin alley every 5 minutes.

So...

back to the weather.

Which is GLORIOUS. I wanted to do some gardening today but it was too hot so I had to wait until after 7 when it cooled down a bit. At the minute (as they say here) it is 9 o' clock at night and I am outside with a vodka and cranberry juice basking in the (somewhat pathetic ) light of my garden solar lamps.

Waiting for The Hubby to return from Dublin. He will be here any minute...yay!