Moving

Well, yes, Xmas and good will and all that, blown out of the water come moving time.

Got back 27th, moved 30th.

Cedric the Asshole Mover, who had assured me that his stupid Luton truck
 (WTF is that anyway?) could move a 3 bedroomed house...
Apparently, me, with my 2 bedroomed, one is a study, so actually only one bed house, has more furniture than an average 3 bedroomed house.
This is despite the fact that I have no white goods.

So, lucky for me, The Gorgeous Son was able , at the last minute to hire another van to take the remainder of the goods. Lucky for us, seeing as Cedric the Asshole Mover would have done another trip for £150 .

Imagine the scene, we have The Hubby, who is already in catatonic shock , as this is the first move in which he has ever been involved, we have Dr Lauren in bossy mode, The New Girlfriend, The Gorgeous Son, Darling Simon, Lindsay Loo, Broken Ankle Man, Cedric the Asshole Mover, Stoyan the Bulgarian Carpet Cleaner, Clive the New Landlord, John the Old Landlord (and his dad) , Charlotte the New Estate Agent, Ann the Inventory Clerk.

 The Hubby and Darling Simon in the van with Asshole Cedric, Dr Lauren and Lindsay Loo on the train, The Gorgeous Son and The New Girlfriend in the extra van...me on my hands and knees being the ousie for hours  afterwards and then training it up to Cambridge...
Rained and rained and rained.

I  am in Cambridge now.
Has stopped raining.

The Acceptable house is acceptable  (actually has a fabulous fitted loft with cupboards and extra storage that the fuckwit agent neglected to mention, so has been a wonderful surprise)

All the family were absolutely amazing and had unpacked half the household by the time I got there.
May I never ever say a negative word against any of them on this blog ever again.
I love them all very very much
We may be moving again in the next year.
Did I say how much I love them???

Xmas and New Year

Xmas at Butley  Mills again....Fabulous again, with Dr Lauren's organisational skills...
Same creepy scarecrow in the fields, is actually a famous sculpture...
http://www.laurenceedwardssculpture.com/


Shows how much I know!

Looked at it in a different light..... famous sculpture....still creepy.

Xmas was amazing. It was so bloody HOT!  Spent all the time opening windows and doors, we all wore T shirts, I don't think I wore shoes at all.

When I say hot, all is relative, but it was 15C and over, and will be the same again for New Years, apart from the days inbetween when we moved and it rained and was freezing cold.

I digress...back to Xmas.

There were 18 of us, from the Aged Grandparents (92)down to The Gorgeous Son
(25)
From in laws to out laws, from step parents to step siblings, to Grand Cat India...significant others...we had it all covered. Ex husbands and ex wives....we all had Xmas together, and that's what it's about.
It was good.

Merry Xmas?

We are moving on the 30th December. We go to the Xmas Cottage from the 23rd to the 27th.
The Famous Brother flies into London on Monday for 4 days. MOTHER is already here, in preparation for seeing The Famous Brother.
She spends most of the day sleeping, I have to check every now and then that she is actually breathing.
It is Dr Lauren's birthday on Tuesday. All the family are going out to  The Spur on Wednesday.
Somehow, I have to pack.......

Culture Vulture

Nice Bum!

 So lovely , going to the ballet! Tickets to the Nutcracker were my birthday gift from Dr Lauren and Darling Simon.
The costumes had £10 000 worth of Swarovski crystals sewn onto them. It was a wonderful night indeed.

Quite the funniest thing..in the interval (during which, for some odd reason, the Poms all buy ice cream?? It was bloody freezing!), anyway, there was a chav girl, on a date with a non chav guy. Eavesdropping, (as I am wont to do) , this is what she said....

A) She would rather have gone to a musical
B) Ballet is boring
C)You can stick your Sugar Plum Fairies and Tutu Boy up your arse.

Quite made my night, as she went on in this vein for at least 10 minutes.
I rather liked Tutu boy!

Leicester Square was crazy...millions of people, such a buzz, I am going to miss that so much!
I love coming home late on the trains with all the drunk/fabulously dressed/ many and varied people...last night there were 3 Saffas  doing mean things to a Hamleys Xmas Bear.

Breathing Space

A gap between agents while we rent....before we buy.
Not sure if my nerves can take it.

Cherry Hinton

Cherry Hinton is where we will be living in Cambridge. Sounds very Pom!

So, not the Charmingly Impractical Cottage.
Rather, the Almost Acceptable House

Despite the agents not being able to drive me anywhere, even in a car branded with the company name. Can you believe it? Crazy. Totally crazy.

Positive points:

The Hubby can walk to work
I can walk to Tesco's
Bus stop 2 minutes away to the city and station.
Garage for the car we will get (amazing..haven't seen a garage for years!)
An actual built in cupboard in the main bedroom.
A dishwasher . (phew!)
Garden

Not so great points

3rd bedroom same size as a coffee table
Looks a bit ugly from the outside


Disaster

The Bathroom.

But....is a 6 month contract, and overall, is awfully practical. Has 2 more rooms than we have now. If  you can call the 3rd bedroom a room.
I think I will use it as a dressing room.

Now, just to get someone to move us between xmas and new year.
Doomed comes to mind.

Agents!

It's hard enough looking for a house, these fuckwit agents make it even harder.
They are not insured to drive me.
There is no easy way of getting to the properties in the villages.
I will have to hire a car now.  And then drive behind the agents. Or find an agreeable taxi driver who will follow the agents and go to different villages.What a bloody pain.

London is way more civilized.
Last time I was up in Cambridge I noticed the buses do not have a display telling you where the stops are. This is not good when it is pitch dark , raining, the windows are steamed up and you don't know where you are anyway!
The one difference is that the people in Cambridge will actually speak to you, so you can ask for directions.
This is what I have learnt about asking for directions.

To avoid asking tourists who are as lost as you are, these are the ones to ask

People with dogs
Old ladies with shopping trolleys
People with children in school uniform
People who look a bit mad (but not too mad)

Nights in London

Don't think for a minute that my life is just house seeking..ironing..shopping..being a Pom...
Oh No! I have fun too!
I go to functions where the Butlers wear only aprons.....

Strikes

Really not seriously bad...Somewhat peeved perhaps? Biggest strike ever ,but nobody was terribly inconvenienced, and as you can see...the strikers were not awfully militant! 

Hmmm....

Cambridge is lovely, but as expensive as London. Hence the village search.
Saw a lovely house yesterday (lovely is a relative term here, we are ignoring the fact that these houses have no cupboards) but it was properly in the middle of nowhere...think of the house in Father Ted and you will get the idea. So no on that one.

Second house was not quite so much in the middle of nowhere , but the lounge was blue (carpet and walls) the bedroom was pink (ditto) and no dishwasher. Actually no white goods at all, but panic set in with the dishwasher.
For some odd reason, this house has 3 bathrooms. Very unusual for a Pom house.
Still, was a bit crap.

Third house was the most quirky , wonderful, dear little Enid Blyton/Snow White Cottage I have ever seen. Totally impractical. For example The Hubby would not actually be able to stand in the bedroom, the ceilings are so low. But is fine for me.
Oh! It is so so charming. And delightful. And did I say impractical?
I love it.
The only thing that may stop me from renting this house is that our bed actually may not  fit in the bedroom.
The house is about 300 years old, all oak beams and rough finishes, but...the kitchen is great and there is a dishwasher! The shower is downstairs, and the bedrooms are accessed by what amounts to secret passages through which even I have to bend double...There is not one single bedroom cupboard , and none of the walls are straight.....the front door is just big enough for me to walk through with a slight bend to the knee.....
No double glazing, two staircases, higgedly piggedly on either side of the house, making a trip to have a bath a whole adventure...
If we do decide to move to Cambridge area, this is the one for me!

Estate agents..here we go again

Google is definitely your friend....you can look at houses, see the street view, chart the distance to The Hubby's work, look at bus routes, train stations, even zoom in on the garden of a house you are interested in..all good...until you start with the fuckwit agents.
Never mind... nonetheless, I am headed up to Cambridge for the day on Tuesday to see some properties.
Stupid agent said he would meet me AT THE PROPERTY, so, I need to get a train from London, then a flipping taxi to the house.
Never mind...I know this now.....breathe....breathe...breathe.....

Ag Shame and Siestog

MOTHER  has had a 'cricket 'problem for the last month. I know that crickets can be annoying, but at the same time, was fascinated to know that they existed in Scotland. Still and all, she would never ever spray them with Doom (or the local equivalent)
 Never seen anything to compare to Doom here, maybe a tin called 'lets have a cup of tea and perhaps you can fuck off '

Nonetheless, she got quite used to the dear cricket, and indeed, started speaking to him.

Sadly, he turned out to be the battery warning on her smoke alarm.

I know...it's not funny,but you have to laugh!!

Village Life

I have a list of villages around Cambridge that I would truly love to live in

Bassingbourn-cum-Kneesworth
Saffron Walden
Steeple Morden
Stow cum Quy
Swaffham Bulbeck
Litlington

but, most of all, I want to live in Six Mile Bottom.

Winter?

I do think it is winter now. Today was 7C and really foggy...proper London Pea soup fog.  Not actually very cold..I went to feed my squirrels still in bare feet, but with a cardi on. So, not too bad yet.
At 5pm it was pitch black midnight dark. So, yes, I think winter has arrived!

Other issues of the moment..I cannot get my flipping font back to normal..no idea what happened, so we will be experimenting with different fonts

My mouse is broken. I cannot get on with the stupid touchpad thing. However, due to the miracles of the British Postal Service, my new mouse will arrive tomorrow.

After all the excitement of The Hubby's new job in Cambridge, I am slowly waking up to the horror of changing addresses, packing, ....and leaving London.
Am going to lie down now for a bit......

Estate Agent Job Description

Ok now this has pissed me off big time.
I am actually REALLY CROSS
In words that probably are not bloggable.

After 3 years of living in this country, I have for the first time come across a RELOCATION AGENT.


An Agent who actually knows the area, cares about your criteria, understands what you are looking for... Bloody Hell! How hard can it be?? This is what we did!

I am sooo going to ask this company to let me work for them. I am actually  quite excited at the fact of me, working for them, showing them how realty works...

Fine, in the meantime , they will work for me...
Let's not try to be too Saffa about this... R10 000 is not too much to pay if you can find  someone who is not a total doos...
Remember last year o faithful bloggers? Do you want to suffer that again?
I think not.
So...think about R10 000 , as commission for working with me? Doesn't sound so bad now huh??

Goodbye London

The Hubby has procured a good job in Cambridge. V. Exciting!
Cambridge seems to be a lovely town. Whilst he was at his interview, I did a 2 hour walking tour.
Nice, very very nice, bit too heavy on the churchy thing...church on every corner, but  historically, the monks were the only educated people, the only ones who had the time to read and write, so I will try to look at it from that point of view.

So! On the move again!
Phoned 3 estate agents today.

Again, stupid fuckwit agents. I had a headache after ten minutes.
Here we go again.......

Oh NHS

The Hubby has Otitis Externa. This seems to be an ear infection which is not actually in the ear...anyway..
The NHS Dr. prescribed Vinegar. Dr Lauren Prescribed Lemon Juice.
Any Saffa Dr. would have prescribed steroids.
So, all week , I am going to have a husband who is like a salad dressing who has earache, instead of a husband who will be cured after 2 days on steroids.
Sometimes, they should think of the patient's family

Autumn?

This is a leaf the size of the leaf that blew into my face on our walk.
Not the actual leaf.....
Seems we have moved from Autumn to Indian Summer to Winter... Brr 9 C today.
But not so cold that I actually had to wear shoes....

Childrens

Today was The Gorgeous Son's Birthday Lunch.  Not the Actual Birthday, which is tomorrow, but the day on  which we could all get together.
The weather was amazing enough for us to be able to eat outside .
 (Mid November? Who Knew?)

The best thing of all... you never know which direction life is going to take.  And who knew our lives would connect with Darling Simon? He can make the best roast potatoes ever (he knows I suck at making them...and is not afraid to tell me so...or to tell Dr Lauren to tell me..)
Roast potatoes aside, our family has been enriched by Darling Simon.
And his family.
So The Gorgeous Son has a brother that he loves, we adore our son in law...Dr Lauren.. you did well!
Also, I will never have to roast potatoes ever again.
Good Day today.
Happy Birthday Jeeps
xx

Big Issue

Confession....I have been avoiding the Big Issue Seller outside Sainsburys. I simply cannot BOND with her the way I did with my seller in Greenwich. I feel really bad, seeing as I did buy him coffee from Starbucks when it was snowing. And now, here I am, sneaking out the side door to avoid Unlikable Woman Seller.
Also, I must admit, that John Bird's writings in the mag are getting way too far left of Tory for my liking.
To assuage my guilt, I have upped my contribution to Cancer Research.
If a homeless person has the misfortune to have cancer as well, I have it covered.
Doesn't actually make me feel that much better.
Ok, Ok....first thing Monday, I will steel myself to buy the new issue.
Bloody Hell.

Winter a coming...

Not too bad...I can still sit out with my morning coffee and my squirrels at about 8am (darkish)
Still no need for shoes or slippers...but a nightie has been replaced by jammies.
Not for inside..dear lord, the combination of 2 hours worth of central heating a night and menopause does not require winter pyjamas.
Still not getting why The Poms moan about the weather...we are into November! And still barefoot weather!

I did buy a waterproof jacket . (after the Scotland and Cornwall experience of finding out my jackets were not waterproof)
So! I have a Fuchsia colored jacket, with hood, insulated, ready for all snow sports, built in gloves (this is my best!  How cool is that? Sleeves with gloves! Never ever seen that before!)
On the technical front:

Crystal Densely Woven Shell Fabric
Woo Hoo! Apparently, is Chic...yet Practical! Will keep me dry...and looking great! Good luck to them. I have never yet looked great , maybe I could sue?
Also, my new jacket has  a Volume Adjustable Hood. A Snow Seal System. A Water Repellent Zip. (??) A Google Pocket. (??) A Communications Pocket.  Adjustable Storm Cuffs. Single Cinch Draw Cords ( no idea) Utility D ring \no idea)
Also..VENTING
Zipped pockets
Detachable braces
Stretch waist (this may be good)
Preformed Knee shape
Integrated  Snow Gaiters (gaiter?)

A JACKET! IT IS JUST A BLOODY JACKET FOR FUCK'S SAKE

New Words

OK, so there is no such thing as a 'weed eater',  here, in Pom Land, it is a 'strimmer'
Which sounds vaguely rude actually.
The Landlord came by to mow the lawn and 'strim' the garden. Also, he had a new chainsaw , so he chopped down all the bushes.
Also, whilst on the home front, the washing machine has broken down, there is something to be said for renting....just phone the Landlord , and all is fixed. The washing machine people are coming tomorrow, which is a good thing seeing as I have a half washed load of towels  in a bucket in the bathroom.
Oh Lordy, once again it seems I am unable to raise my conversation above the kitchen floor...

Daylight Saving Again

Another year. Another hour. Another total not actually understanding the whole concept.
So, just as everything was fine, it is now darker earlier . This is a Pom self imposed winter thing. No idea.
Is stupid.

Happy Halloween

 In the past, I have been quite rude about The Worst Pub in The World, but it has redeemed itself big time
and now is my favourite pub. Up until now , The Hubby and I have only popped in for a drink late afternoon , but at night...goodness! This odd pub comes to life. Imagine our surprise on Halloween (which is , for some odd reason, a MASSIVE thing here) to find the pub crowded with  hundreds of people, all dressed to kill. (literally)
The pub looked weirdly fabulous, with smoke bombs going off, and special effects lighting, absolutely amazing. There was hardly room to breathe, never mind move.
Then, at 11.30, a strange thing. Must be a Pom thing. The landlord came out to the garden/marquees, and said "Right, everyone inside now", and indeed, all the people , without a murmur, filed into the pub. Impossible really, seeing as the pub was already full, but even though it took a good 10 minutes, everyone squished inside. We had to leave, there was simply no space.
My photos do not do any justice to the evening, as I didn't take my camera and just had the stupid phone camera.
All the drinks were glowing in the ultra violet lights, there was a group of 10 all dressed in amazing alien costumes, klu klux klan, nazis (ok, so not awfully PC) , also, it is not always such a good idea to take photos of arb people, so I did have to restrain myself. But what a hoolie! If we are still here next year, I may even dress. Broken Ankle Man had the best ever Halloween costume, a black T shirt that said BOO!
He is so funny.

Wardrobe Change

Today was the Big Day.

Eventually I unpacked the winter wardrobe after having threatened to do it for the last 3 weeks.
Still and all, it was so hot upstairs  (heating not on, but sun streaming through the windows) so here I was , sweating, packing away the shorts and T shirts and summer jammies.

If it is hot again all week , we are screwed.

Stupid vacuum pack things, I had to iron all The Hubby's jerseys (who knows anyone who owns 10 jerseys? Jumpers? Whatever?)

Had to iron all this last year's  vacuum packed stuff , did draw the line at ironing the winter jammies. Am trying to get less anal.

Went outside to cool off and watch the Watership Down that is my back garden these days. Fox , sunning himself and scratching like crazy (looks very mangy)
Squirrel very demanding while I was trying not to scare the fox away, jays eating the revolting dried meal worms that I will never buy again..yuk!
Massive black crow that was actually quite scary.

So..today was a clothes management day. All the cupboards and drawers are sorted. (coincidentally, got a charity pick up bag for clothes  today, fetching Thursday)
Also organised all The Hubby's clothes in the wardrobe...long sleeved shirts/short sleeved shirts/ trousers/

Ha! I said trousers! Not pants!

Speaking of pants, must be a man thing, but The Hubby has winter/summer undies.
I have never had this issue. Go figure.

Dr Lauren bought a fancy smanchy Ted Baker Coat...still too hot to wear it!
 I have cleared the coat rack of summer hats and pashminas, making space for scarves  and coats.

And still...the warm weather persists....

Sun Damage

  My entire body is as white as a milk bottle...well, apart from my arms. Up until now I thought they were still tanned, but no! This is not tan. This is Sun Damage.
 My arms are mottled...white, with brown bits.
All my Saffa friends...we do such damage! Please put sun screen on your arms.

So now I look like one of those ponies. White with brown spots.
Charming.

Weatherwise, today was a high of 17....PLUMMETING to about 7 as soon as the sun went  down.

A new Pom trick today: Cousin Katy phoned me and said "You sound so warm!"
She is up in Scotland, in a howling gale and freezing temperatures, I was sitting outside in the sun when she called, and she could tell! Pretty impressive stuff!

Dark mornings...

This morning when I went to make coffee

 (The Hubby does not perform this chore. I ask myself..
Why? ..
I remind myself:
 Because I have spoilt  him rotten for  30 years)

Anyway, this morning ,  for the first time since  late October last year ,I had to switch the kitchen light on at 7am. Gone are the days when we had coffee at 5 am in bright light before The Hubby left for Dublin.

Still and all, the rest of the day was fabulous, sunny, warm, T Shirt weather. Washing drying weather. Amazing..
End of October, still fab weather..
Fab weather being 15 C plus.


So...just a thought.

Differences between Saffas and Poms.

What Saffas take for  granted:

Weather
Domestic help
Driving in cars
Braai's
Large houses and gardens


What Poms take for granted

National Heath Scheme
Public Transport
Social services
Policing
Transparent government
Secular Country

I may be wrong, I may be putting my personal stake on this...but it seems to me that what the Poms take for granted is what the Saffas would love to have. And indeed, vice versa.
Just that weather does not outdo the social benefits here.
Could never have afforded the broken ankle on Discovery Health.

Best words

The Welsh for microwave oven is Popty Ping. (colloquial , obviously)
I love it.
Henceforth our microwave is now the Popty Ping.

Xmas is coming

Only 80 sleeps I believe.

Yesterday I got the new Lakeland catalogue and was overcome by all the cupcake, chocolate and other nice xmas stuff you can make.Suddenly struck by guilt about the amount of money we usually spend on gifts, I thought it would be better to make all the gifts this year.
Dr Lauren was unsure, but The Gorgeous Son pointed out that it was going to be very hard for me to make a Polaroid camera for him.
Fair enough.
I left the Lakeland catalogue outside on the garden table and it got wet, so this morning the home made gift idea thing has worn off.

Autumn Report

Like the true Pom that I am now, I am always going on about the weather.

We have gone from 27+ C down to about 15, which is still OK.
The way I figure it, apart from 2 or 3 crap weeks , we have had good weather since April. October doesn't look too bad, even if only the first half. That leaves 5 and a half months of winter . Say one month of snow, which is great, I love the snow, so only 4 and a half months to get through. How bad can it be?
I am now properly sorted (as they say here) with my autumn/winter wardrobe.I have learnt from Dr Lauren's mistakes, and indeed , my own. In theory, if I dress properly, I won't be cold.

Bring it on! I am ready!

Crazy Weather

Today, again, crazy weather...27C ! Warmer than Bloemfontein, warmer than Jo'burg, warmer than most of the world...(well perhaps not the WHOLE world)

 Warmer than where MOTHER lives, and MOTHER is moaning and bitching about the rain...me, I have fuck all no sympathy, as The Famous Brother did say he would pay  for MOTHER  to go to South Africa again, from October to February.

Nonetheless, I don't live up North, so  today I am wearing shorts and a T shirt.
Is that not amazing?
Well, luckily the blog is not visual, so you don't have to see me in aforementioned shorts.

Yesterday we had a BBQ, all the children, Dr Lauren and Darling Simon , The Gorgeous Son and The New Girlfriend and Broken Ankle Man and Lovely Wife Jo.
Actually Lovely Wife Jo is also Dr Jo, so she and Dr Lauren bonded and ended up with no sympathy for  either Poor me or Poor  Broken Ankle Man.

I Love Broken Ankle Man.

Sure he thinks I am a mad old bat.
Personally I think we are suffering with Dr Lauren and Dr  Jo being Dr's and maybe seeing worse injuries and
stuff than  our Broken Ankles.

HA!

Forward Planning...

This sign is on my walk up to the library, I love it.
You can just imagine the guy (has to be a guy) drawing the square, writing CCTV IN...and then..ah ,  Fuck it!

Makes me laugh every time I see it!

A Bridge too far?

Speak like a pom

Nearly choked laughing the other day when The Hubby said "Haff Passt two" and not "Harf Parst two"

We both say BBQ now instead of Braai, without even thinking.
Corner shop instead of cafe, we use bungalow, high street, well good, it is creeping up on us, this Pom talk.

We have probably turned down our speaking volume by at least 40%, but Dr Lauren says we are still LOUD.
Must be because Saffas are used to being in wide open spaces and we have to shout to each other.
The Hubby can be anywhere in the wee house or the garden and all I have to do is quietly say his name, even with his encroaching (selective) deafness, he can hear me.
Must admit, if there is a Saffa on the bus or tube or in a shop...yup! You sure can hear them.

Indian Summer

Phew! It is really hot hot hot! 27C. I am sitting outside in little intervals as it is actually too hot for me.

Yesterday the autumn/winter clothes I ordered arrived.
I love shopping online.

I have realised that in South Africa, you dress to be cool and stay cool, or be warm and stay warm.
No good here. You can't be in a big bulky jersey and then have to deal with central heating/heated transport/ heated shops...you would be doing an eternal strip tease.
So I have bought light cardies and jumpers to wear under my coats. This seems unimaginable now, in this heat.
 I have packed all the new clothes away.

The Hubby is doing some computer stuff upstairs , but in a bit we shall head off to The Worst Pub in The World, which, strangely, is growing on me.
They had 2 events recently, one in which they paraded through town and sprinkled/threw talcum powder on everyone (?) and  2, Talk like a Pirate Day. They are mad.
But...they have tidied up a bit in the garden, and at the minute the pub is festooned with pirate stuff, including a large fishing net and a shark.

X Factor

Yes, I do watch it, yes,  I Love it, and I am nailing my colours to the  wall for this year, Janet Devlin has to be the winner.

Is exhausting, Sunday night:  X Factor, Downton Abbey and The Only way is Essex which I can't stay awake to watch, but will watch tomorrow on the strange miracle that is Catch up TV.

Headline!

                                                        The Daily Mail is SUCH a hysterical paper, hence the fact that I took a pic, rather than actually buying it. The Hubby and I are terrified of turning into Daily Mail readers.
83 F is only about , what 25? 26 ish? Never mind...I welcome the heat wave.It has been a fabulous week weather wise anyway, amazing that it is going to get better!              
 Notice too, that The DM can't just let us enjoy the bloody heat wave, it has to be accompanied with a warning about The Big Freeze.  
How I managed to get a shot on top of the photo of the paper that looks like Muizenberg taken from Strand on a summer's morning....pretty impressive seeing as the pic was taken on my phone, in Sainsburys.              

Disposals

So  awfully organised are the Poms...I got through the letter box a leaflet asking for clothes, toiletries, shoes etc, so I did a quick sort out , put them in the bags, and voila! Picked up the next morning.
I am still getting rid of clothes I brought over from South Africa and have never actually worn. Or clothes that have proven themselves useless in Pom weather.
Like my Woolies Jacket which actually is not waterproof, and has a hood that is worse than useless.
Unfortunately the winter clothes are still vacuum packed away, so they will have to wait for the next cull.

The books, too, have been sorted, both The Hubby and I have Kindles now, so we are no longer stacking books all over the wee house.
We do, however, have about 200 books on the Kindle. Takes up no space at all. So very clever.

I feel very pleased with all this de cluttering and downsizing. It is a very satisfying way to live.

Squirrel Update

 Whoops! Dropped it!


Dear little Meisie who has totally bonded with the (somewhat odd) squirrel  statuette.

Asian Pear

I am epicuriously adventurous, so when I see something new, I am never afraid to try it.
This Asian Pear (3 for £1.50) tastes like a cross between a turnip, an apple and a bucket of water.
Bleh

Shocking Shopping .. SA versus UK

Well, consider me shocked!

Friend of ours has just returned from SA and said that grocery shopping was so expensive there now...must admit I was a bit skeptical, even though I do know the prices have gone up since we left.

So, today , I did my online Tesco shop, and a virtual shop on the Pick 'n pay online site.
Tesco is comparable to Pick 'n Pay. Asda is like Checkers, and Sainsburys more like Woolies.
 I always look for the bargains and the offers, so I have compared them to Pick 'n Pay own brands, and tried to be as fair as I can. It is easy to work on R10 to the £, but actually it is R11ish, to be fair.


This is the shopping list.


Product                                          

                                                              SA price                                  UK Price

Marmite 125g                                       R18.49                                           £1.51

4x soap                                                 R28.00                                          £1.69

Nescafe original                                    R54.89 (200g)                              £4.00 (300g)

mushrooms 250g                                  R6.00                                                 50p

spaghetti 500g                                      R7.99                                                  18p

Light Marg Spread 500g                       R25.99                                           £1.25

Baby tomatoes                                      R7.99                                                  69p

Blueberry Juice 1litre (is good for
preventing alzheimers!)                          R20.99                                              £1.00

Aquafresh 3 way toothbrush                  R38.99                                              £2.00

3 bean salad 400g                                 R16.99                                                   65p

Dishwasher tabs                                    R55 (for 18)                                      £5.09 (for 33)

Spring Onions bunch                             R8.99                                                       60p

Pork chops                                           R60 /kg                                               £3.99/kg

Mature cheddar                                     R89.97/kg                                          £9.00/kg

Stuffed Whole chicken                           R46.99/kg                                          £3.13/kg

sparkling water                                      R5.99 1 liter                                            17p 2 liter

eggs                                                       R1.31each                                              8p each

'Best of both' bread                                  R10.99 (700g)                                 £1.15 (800g)

Sweetcorn                                              R4 each                                                 50p each

Diet coke cans                                       R36.99 (for 6)                                     £4.89 (for 12)

Loo Roll   (9/2 ply)                                R49.99                                                £4.00

Lurpack butter 250g                              R27.99                                                 £1.60

Tampax 20                                            R31.99                                                 £1.88


Must add Fillet steak....I didn't buy any, everything else on this list I did buy (yes, and the tampax, do you mind??)

Fillet Steak                                              R171.99                                                        £24.99

Ha ha ha ha ha ...we never eat Fillet steak!!

There was more, but I am now exhausted from looking everything up on the Pick 'n pay site which is hard to work with. To be fair, a LOT of stuff is unavailable, but only because they only have online shopping for 6 cities in SA. Also, most prices are quoted in per/kg, and also, you don't get the price on the site, you get the price on the day in the store.

Tesco charges anything from £3.50 to £6 for delivery, depending on the time of day , and how far in advance you book. I usually pay £4.50.
Pick 'n Pay charges a flat rate of R60 for delivery.

This has been a very interesting exercise indeed.

Stepping up

In South Africa, the most walking I did was from the house to the car. As old blog followers know, here in Pom Land, you have to walk 500 miles a day.
I may have exaggerated, but initially, that is what it felt like.
Now, it is a doddle.
Today I bought a 'step counter' or, as The Hubby insists, a pedometer.
It counts your steps, and you should do 10 000 a day.
Well, my first day, I did 6000.
Quite impressive , I thought.
So, tomorrow, I am back to gym (just because you pay £40 a month , doesn't mean it makes you fit if you don't actually go...
Oh please dear god hope Dr Lauren is not reading this....
But , tomorrow I am back on track and will make up my billion million steps on the treadmill.
ACTUALLY, I walk a million miles more than I ever did before...so...

WHATEVER! (as they say here)

David Walliams

David Walliams swam the Thames to raise money for Sports Relief

http://www.littlebritainfans.com/

I went to see him at Kew Bridge, which was his last leg of the journey. I am so very impressed with what he has done and it has made me very proud to be a Pom.
The Thames is NASTY and quite dirty in parts, and tidal, and he looked so teeny weeny little swimming in the middle of it, so much so that I did shed a tear.

He raised more than a million £'s. so well done to him.

Weatherwise , it was a lovely day, bit windy on the bridge, but not bad for September.
Still and all , I was glad I wasn't in the water.
Solidarity has its limits.

Well Done David!

Monday summer /autumn/summer/autumn

Amazing weather here. This morning it was bright sunshine and rather hot on my walk up the hill to the library.
Rather a pathetic walk, I may add, as my ankle is really in a bad way today. I blame this on standing and ironing for about 2 hours. Housework is SO bad for you.

At lunchtime I had to do a mad dash (on my terrible ankle, while The Hubby was calmly reading his Linux magazine) to get the washing in from the rain and wind and cold that suddenly appeared. Then ran around the house closing the windows I had opened to let the sun and fresh air in earlier. OK, only 2 windows upstairs seeing as there are actually only 3 rooms upstairs and the study is like a cave, the Hubby never opens the window.
After this flurry of activity, the sun came out again. The weather here is quite mad.

At the library there was a mad pom person. As I was waiting to check in my books (they are moving to a new system and the awfully clever self check in is not operational) this guy came up and asked the librarian for a tissue. Off she went to get keys for the toilet or god knows what, obviously tissues are not kept handy for such an emergency, I couldn't stand this person with a dripping nose standing next to me any longer , so I gave him a tissue from my wee tissue packet (in my bag, there is always a tissue packet , waterless hand wash and breath spray, gum, toothpicks and Rennies)
Instead of being grateful, he said "Are these made from recycled paper? They are not very good"
I told him they were better than nothing, but his expression indicated that they were not. The librarian came back with toilet paper, which he seemed to prefer.
Then he says to the poor librarian "Can I have a glass of water?"
Lordy! Flaming cheek.
All this , however , deflected from the fact that my books were a day late.
All in all, quite good then.
Oh what an exciting life I do lead!

Hectic

Hectic is not a word here in Pom Land. Or so we are told by Dr Lauren.
'Hectic' must be replaced by  'Proper off the hook'
I think not.

Now, I have already replaced much of my vocab.

This is 'rubbish'
Instead of  This is 'kak'

I am 'well impressed'
Rather than I am 'kak impressed'

It is an 'awfully long way'
Not a 'kak long way'

Actually, perhaps my vocab is increasing....there are obviously many words more descriptive than 'kak'
I accept this.

The 'hectic' replacement, however, may be a step too far.

Vok!

Rick Stein

Rick Stein has an amazing presence in Padstow, with his Seafood Restaurant, his cafe, deli, patisserie, shop, fish and chips...it's fabulous.
The food is out of this world, the staff is wonderful, decor, ambiance, wines...
All perfect.


Saffas, stop reading here.

Signs Cornish Style

This is at the Eden Project!

St Ives...beware those seagulls....

Yup!

This is at Rock, I was dying to wave the flag to summon the ferry.

There's always one, isn't there?

Brmm Brmm

Wonderful being on holiday in Cornwall with The Hubby, but before I say a word about that...I drove! For the first time since I arrived here. I was a bit nervous at the thought of it after all this time, The Hubby saying "it's just like riding a bike" did not help, seeing as I was the one that fell off the bike (twice) in Amsterdam.
But no...I turned on the engine, did a KAK impressive reverse out of a narrow parking in an alley, and I was off!
No problem at all. I had almost forgotten what an exceptionally good driver I was (am)

Especially seeing as this is an average road in Cornwall. I was like a rally driver let me tell you!
This is not a one way either. It is quite hair raising.

No sooner was I behind the wheel than The Hubby turned into a back seat driver. In fact, it was worse, as we had the sat nav, but he had to say what to do BEFORE  Sat Nav Bitch  said it, and then repeat it afterwards.
He went a tad pale on the double roundabout, oh..and when the bus approached...but we survived.

I made The Hubby stand in this road in St Ives for scale.There is a shit load of reversing that goes on in these wee towns! We park and walk. We have walked a million miles since we got here. Uphill.

Tricky driving in the UK. I have no concept of what a mile is. Sat Nav Bitch does not help by saying things like "In 1200 feet, turn left" or " In 0.3 miles take the third exit."
The speedometer too, is a problem. I have no idea how fast I am going. All I know is 30 in town, 70 on the motorway.  20 near a school.
Whatever that is in k's.

Tea Time

 Aren't these cakes lovely?
Totally wasted on me, I don't like cakes.
I like to look at them, but actually eating them is always a big disappointment.

Give me a can of Original Pringles every time.

These cakes are in a coffee shop in Soho.
So inbetween the Rampant Rabbits and Live Sex Shows, we had a civilised cup of tea and a cake.

I just had the tea....

FRIEND

Yes, indeed!
I have a friend. Is very exciting, after all this time.
Who knew that Broken Ankle man's wife would be so lovely?
And that the BBQ would be just fine?
Amazing stuff indeed!

Rather overindulged on the wine due to the novelty of communicating with
 people that I was not related to/ sleeping with.
The weather is glorious, 23 C, we are going to Cornwall on Saturday, all in good here in London...oh, did I mention I have a new friend??

Squirrel Update for Tiffany

For my Birthday. MOTHER bought me a squirrel (not a real one )
He is now placed on the Squirrel feeding table, as the squirrels wait patiently at the feeding table now.

When I say squirrels...sadly to report, Hoppy is nowhere to be seen. Since the large walnut tree has sprouted  nuts, he has been nowhere near the table. Just wait till winter you ungrateful little shit.

The walnut tree is full of squirrels, but , only dear ,dear little Meisie still comes for her food. She always stands with one little paw over her heart. She hardly ever eats the nuts I put out, just takes them and buries them for winter. Not like the rest of them, scoffing all the walnuts without a thought to the future.
I put out bread and sunflower seeds for her as well, so that at least she eats something.
She has made friends with the squirrel statue. Bless her.

Jamie Oliver

Actually , my birthday is the 26th, but it was such a day...no time to blog!
Fabulous lunch at Amiga Jane in Weybridge, with flowers and pressies and wine . I am so so happy she is in London!
More flowers, more pressies.....tickets for Swan Lake
Out to supper at Canary Wharf, at Jamie Olivers restaurant.
It really is a great place, good ambience, decor, service...and the food was remarkable.

The family was too embarrassed by me to allow photos of all the food, but these were the olives for the table...sure set the level of things to come.

Happy Birthday to me!

This is unbelievably my third birthday in England.

First surprise of the day (after breakfast in bed from The Hubby), was this van parked in our street! Aaargh!
I am afraid that he has set some traps, but did not come and ask me if he could set one in our garden

Lucky for him.                                                                                                                                   

Pom help needed

Yes! After an entire year of living in Cottage Grove, we have finally cracked the nod and been invited to a BBQ.
Across the road lives Man With Broken Ankle. He broke his ankle about  2 months after me, and we have been chatting on and off since. Today, after our chat about ankles and our comparison of scars, he invited me to a BBQ.

Problem is , I have forgotten his name. No big deal...I think he has forgotten mine as well.
 I have primed The Hubby, when we go to the BBQ, I will say "This is The Hubby" and then The Hubby will say" Paul" and in theory, Broken Ankle Man will say his name.
This is not my issue.

My issue is that a BBQ is not a braai. At Pom BBQ's,they cook sausages and burgers. So, do we be big show off  Saffas and arrive with steak and ribs, or do we go the Pom route and go with sausages? What if they don't do sausages and then we look like Chavs? What if they all do steaks and then we are stuck with eating crap sausages and burgers.
Perhaps we should go to the Saffa shop and get wors and ribs? Do I take a salad? A dessert? Flowers?

I think I will go over the road and throw myself on the mercy of Broken Ankle Man's wife (whose name I also don't know) and ask her about BBQ etiquette.Would that be a weird thing to do?
What if Broken Ankle Man told his wife that he invited us and she said something like "Oh bloody hell no, they are foreigners?"
What if  they see us as bad neighbours like Nigel The Wanker who feeds the pigeons and is under suspicion of keying a car? Or Marion the Dutch Lady who hates everyone in the street? Or the rest of the neighbours who are 90 in the shade and keep dying?
How do I approach my very first social engagement ever in the UK? With Poms ? Obviously, I have had many social occasions with ex Saffas. Totally different.
Bloody hell...how hard can this be??
HELP!

International Housework Appreciation Day

This should be a new public holiday

It will be the only day in the year when you buy a household appliance as a gift for your wife.
The holiday shall apply to husbands/partners, and children over 18 still living at home.
There will be flowers and cards given.

I have some verse ideas for the cards.

Domestic Goddess, this is for you
For all of the wonderful things that you do
Like changing the sheets and cleaning the loo
'Cos I never do it when I have a poo.
                           **
Spare toilet roll always waiting for me
Toilet is wiped after I do a wee
No dust is visible on my TV
Beer in the fridge and  cake with my tea

                              **

Undies are always tucked in my drawer
Socks have been moved from the sitting room floor
Finger prints wiped from the walls and the door
Domestic Goddess, could I ask for more?

                                **

A clean shirt awaits me for each working day
New shoelaces ready for when older ones fray
House always scented with some kind of spray
All of my messes just magicked away

                           **

The duvet is straightened with one simple tuck
The carpets are cleaned with a powerful suck
Sometimes I simply can't believe my luck
I'm sorry that I am an ungrateful fuck

                           **


Should I go on? Because I can go on forever.....

Home Sweet Home

Back in England again..goodness, Scotland is very different!
People do speak to you there, here, as you know, if you speak to anyone, they think you are mad, and ignore you.

Strangely, I like (or have got used to) the fact that nobody speaks to anybody. It's fine, and quite practical. And timesaving.

I can see the allure of retiring to a village somewhere, and settling in to a small community where everyone chats .
That, nonetheless, is a while away. But I think it will be nice at some stage..

For now, The Hubby and I are enjoying London for as long as it lasts.

Real Scottish Men

 Lordy Lordy!
Must be a hormonal thing.....I  love men in kilts!

See?Wee?

Wee everything..I love it!
MOTHER has already said it is getting on her nerves that I say wee all the time.
I don't care.
It's just delightful.
I Love Scotland.
Have no idea why they moan about the weather, has been lovely!


(says 'Wee Yellow shop , just in case you can't read it)

Scotland The Brave

So far I am loving Scotland.
It has only rained a teeny wee bit today.
I have seen my  cousins again.
Cousin Katy was the most lovely child, and now she is all grown up with lovely girls of her own.
We spend all our time with grown ups, so I loved a few hours with Wee Carrie. (laatlammetjie)

We  have tried local delicacies (see pic)

The bus! Lordy! Amazing! Driver Pat pays no attention to bus stops...we just stopped willy nilly to pick people up on the street, everyone has a wee chat (we say wee a lot in Scotland), it is absolutely delightful.We were dropped off right outside our destination, not an actual bus stop, but easier for the old folk..bless Driver Pat!

 We had a wee walk to the corner store, and EVERYONE we passed said hello!
After London, this is charming.

The weather was so good that even MOTHER had no real cause for complaint.(for a change)
MOTHER lives here in Scotland in case anyone was wondering.

Tomorrow we are off to Glasgow to see the Piper Band Competition Finals.
I LOVE men in kilts! the only reason The Hubby is coming with is because I told him girls wear kilts as well also with no underwear.
I lied of course, but it will be too late by the time we get there.

The Theory of Life

I do understand that all  life can be explained mathematically. I understand the Chaos Theory. (Dr Lauren explained it to me when she was in Std 4 and did an expo project on it) I know about The Butterfly Effect. I understand all this in a vague way. I know about The Wisdom of Crowds.
 The Hubby is watching a programme called The Code. It is very good, and I was watching it as well. Unfortunately, if something jars, I lose all my focus. As The Hubby sagely nods and speaks the theorems even before the commentator has chance to write them down, I lost it when they were talking about Rock Paper Scissors, when I started to wonder why they didn't call it Ching Chong Cha, which is its REAL name.And when they showed people playing it NOT PUTTING THEIR HANDS BEHIND THEIR BACKS, it was all over for me.


This is why people believe in god.. It's easier to understand than maths.

London Burning...

This is what I love about London, a veritable army of people armed with brooms in a massive clean up operation.
CCTV pics posted on facebook, communities standing guard along with the police, and our lovely Mayor Boris, out there with a broom as well.

These are not poor disadvantaged yobs, no! They all have blackberrys for god's sake. These are greedy thieves, grasping the opportunity to get new trainers and TV's.

The police have it in hand now, respect to them. It can't be easy facing a mob unarmed.

The Saffa's , of course are saying "Riot? Call this a riot? No burning tyres, no AK47's, no sticks and pangas..."
I feel desperately sorry for the poor shopowners. The bigger shops like Sainsbury's etc, are handing out coffee and snacks to the people cleaning up. The small independent businesses have lost everything.

This , too will end. And a harder line will be taken in future.

Richard III

 Fabulous and amazing to see Richard III at the Old Vic. (Thank you Darling Simon and Dr Lauren)

My English teacher (RIP Dee, wish I'd listened more)  would have been horrified at my ignorance of Richard III.
Basically, this is what I know....

"Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by this son of York..."
....Plantagenets.... nephews in the tower... Duke of Clarence.... Edward IV... Roan Atkinson holding up a head in Blackadder and saying "Oh God Richard III",and  "A horse, A horse, my kingdom for a horse."
There is a lot more to it than that actually, but really, truly, you could get by on my version.
Kevin Spacey was magnificent though.

 Same day, Tracy Emin, are we Culture Vultures or what!
Had Dim Sum in China Town as well , was awesome. I love London.
Walked across the bridge at Waterloo, train home...absolutely knackered.

Back to reality this am Monday seeing as we have been out all weekend and the wee house looks like a bomb has hit it.

£'s and R's

When I first arrived here, I translated everything from £'s to R's and was often horrified, and sometimes impressed.
To survive, I had to stop doing it or I would never have bought anything or gone anywhere.
All of a sudden, for no real reason, I am converting back to Rands again.

This  it is because I suddenly realised  I am thinking of £1 as R1. So £5 , £10 , no longer seems like a lot of money at all.
I think this is a Bad Thing. But, to be fair, I no longer know what the prices in SA are like.

For example, the latest BOGOF was 2 fridge packs of coke cans for £6. This struck me as a real bargain.Then I thought R60? for 20 cans of coke?
 I bought 2x shower gel, shampoo, 3 pack of chewing gum, bath oil , for £5. I don't know whether this is cheap, either in £'s or R's!

What I do know, is £87 for my hair to be coloured in the salon is KAK expensive in any currency. I nearly had heart failure.
AND she blow dried it all poofy so I looked like someone transported from the '80's.

Weather Report

Amazing how useful these weather reports have been. I can look back at the previous 2 years to see what it was like...this year the summer has not been as consistently warm as last year's, but Phew! It has been hot these last few days.
Last night The Hubby and I had a cold shower at 11 o clock at night because it was just too hot to go to sleep.
Windows wide open, fan on....The Hubby was still  moaning, I told him I don't want to hear one word of complaint come winter if he is daring to say that it is too hot now!
I spent Monday in the garden, it takes me 2 hours to trim, clip, dig and clear up the WHOLE garden! Very satisfying! The Landlord loves me, as he does the garden (it's part of our rental contract) so when he came today he just had to mow the lawn and trim the edges.
Oh my god what a kak boring blog entry...............

Speakers Corner

This is hilarious. I wish I had videoed  it.
Gotta love the Poms.

"Here is a corner. You may come here and say whatever you like. Just here. Nowhere else. Nobody will arrest you. Be as mad as you like."

And they are.

I kid you not, it was EXACTLY like the Monty Python, Life of Brian, when he falls into the market place and has to talk along with all the others...remember? The gourd and the sandal?
It is JUST like that!
About 6 religious loonies, all shouting the odds, it was hilarious. There was one guy who was kissing everyone's feet.
Mad as hatters!
 I laughed and laughed. I am truly considering learning the Life of Brian thing off by heart and going to Speakers Corner with my stepladder.

Pom Supermarkets

A Very Interesting Thing.

When you are in the queue (as opposed to the self service thing, which is great), there is a major etiquette going on.

First of all, you absolutely HAVE to put the divider between your shopping and the person behind you. It is a BIG DEAL if you don't. They get annoyed and tut, and reach around you to get the divider. I have it now. It's the first thing I do.Nothing worse than being in a queue for 5 minutes when the person behind you is cross because you didn't put the divider in.

The till people do not acknowledge you AT ALL until the person before you has packed their shopping into their bags, paid and left. It is as though you are invisible. When all is done, they look at you as though you have suddenly appeared from nowhere, and say " Good Morning! "
This happens in every single supermarket.

The till people have to do this, I realise, because there are so many questions they need to ask each shopper.
Here is the list of what they say.

1) Hello. How ARE  you?
2) Do you have your own bags?
3) Do you need any help packing?
4) Do you have a Nectar/Tesco/club points card/vouchers?
5) How many of your own bags have you used? (you get points for this)
6)Do you need help taking your parcels to your car?
7) Do you need your parking ticket validated?
8) Have a nice day.

I feel so loved.