Bank Holiday

Not really getting the Bank Holiday thing... I understand a Public Holiday, but ..no...bank holiday not so much.

Still and all, The Hubby will be home, but seeing as I have no job, the bank holiday thing makes no difference to me apart from the fact that there will be a million billion people having a bank holiday in London whilst I am trying just to have a normal day.

Maybe will go to Spain

Speaking

I have almost been here a year now.

I have started speaking like a Pom, I kid you not.

Well, you have to quite a lot of the time or they don't know what you are talking about. I really hardly ever say 'Ja' now, and I text on my mobile. People are 'Well fit' and I have even said 'what am I like?'

I mean...jeez....What am I like??

I go to the 'corner shop' , a cafe is something totally different.

Just now is hardly ever in my vocab unless I am speaking to The Hubby

Buying the house....

bond is a mortgage

sellers are vendors

Attorneys are solicitors

estate agents are fuckwits

The one thing I cannot say is 'off'

We Saffas say 'orf'

as in Fuck Orf

They say 'ov'

Or something like that anyway. Basically Orf without the 'r'

London Marathon

Amazing isn't it? Watching the London Marathon instead of the Comrades...

And even more amazing is that I recognise so much of the route...Blackheath Common, the Cutty Sark, Docklands and Canary Wharf.

Of course, as Dr Lauren pointed out we could just take a walk and actually watch live instead of on TV, but it is rainy and a bit cold.

4 hours later

It is not hot. It is not warm. I have put a jersey on.

Bloody hell.

Time for weather reports

This is where I sit. See the SUN. Streaming in onto my desk.

See the jersey on the back of the chair. Am not wearing a jersey.

And, the sun is actually warm, and may even get hot later.

It is 9am now, which by my reckoning, taking into effect the time zone change thing, makes it actually 8am, so by lunchtime we could hit 15 degrees!

So yes, I am afraid the weather reports are back, I know I said I would only report again when it was truly hot (30) but this is so exciting, I can't help myself.

Hot is relative.

Have turned into a sissy baby pom.

Summer

Have been sitting out on the patio in what passes for sun.

My legs are so white they have a green tinge.

They are so dry that they are scaly

I AM TURNING INTO A CROCODILE

Sky News

It's amazing... people are all pointing at the sky and saying "Airplane" like a bunch of retards.

(me included)

Has been rather odd not to see a 'plane in the sky for so long.

However, none of these 'planes are bringing The Hubby home, all flights from Dublin have been cancelled again.

So, he is still coming home on the ferry tomorrow.

Have been living like a pig for the time he has been away so have had mad scurry of housework today.

The days of having ryvita and philadelphia cheese for lunch, breakfast and supper are coming to an end. Have vacuumed up all the crumbs with new fancy vaccuum cleaner.

Book Fair

What is the point of The Famous Brother?

He is going to the Book Fair

I am going to the book fair

He is interviewing Andre Brink and anybody else who is around...and he will not let me be in the footage.

Admittedly I did say I would wave and smile at all my friends back in SA and he said he would edit me out.

So, I have a plan.

I am going to hover.

Look for me...I will be in the background somewhere

Hee Hee.

I will wear my green top with the beads and a green cardigan.

Will try to manage a subtle wave.

Always there is a sign...

Obviously people have been known to walk on the roof....

This particular roof is the roof of a walkway to the river taxi.

Did not feel inclined to walk on it , so I guess the sign is effective...

Walkies

I always thought cats were good to walk all by themselves, but apparently not. This one goes for walkies every day.

Mad English people you may say, but no...he is South African

Home Alone

OK

I have done some (not a lot) of housework.

And some (not a lot) of admin.

Made and eaten supper.

Had a bath

Watched Britain's got more Talent.

It is still only 8 o' clock.

I can blow really big spit bubbles...is quite amazing.

I do so wish The Hubby was not trapped by the volcano.

Eyjaffjallajoekull

It helps if you say it as though you come from the Cape Flats.

Ey jaff jalla joekull

No idea of the correct pronunciation, I like mine.

Not good though, as it means The Hubby is trapped in Ireland until further notice.

It amazes me that my life can be affected by a volcano.

Was supposed to have a meeting tomorrow with the mortgage broker...put on hold now till next Thursday , when (hopefully) The Hubby will be home.

Toes

While I was at it, with the hair and the spitty eyebrows and all, also did a pedicure (French)

Different Salon.

Lordy

Much as I like dogs , I do not want to see them in a salon.

On the seats.

Is just yukky.

Especially ugly little chihuahua dogs with poppy eyes whose father left them all alone while he went in the tanning booth. AND he told me that dogs sniff bottoms to meet and greet each other. Like I didn't know this? Was certainly not why I was giving him the look of death.

I told him it was best not done in a salon and that his dogs looked traumatised.

Did not go down well.

Did not tell him that a tanning booth was bad for him as I didn't care if he fried to death.

Weather

I know I said I was NOT going to report on the weather again unless there was a cataclysmic event.

Well, yes , actually there has been such an event.

We have moved from Spring straight into Autumn.

Again with the signs...

Thank you Neil Worrell Esq. for this so so funny sign. He added that the water was probably about knee deep....

Hee hee ...sissy baby poms!

Hair

But, never mind the spit thing, the hair was great. Luke Baby was lovely as ever. We had a long conversation about the state of my hair and the strength of my hair shaft.

Which were both kak apparently.

If The Hubby freaked at £70 for a cut and blow, best I don't even tell him about the treatment for my kak hair and the £10 tip for Luke Baby.

eyebrows

It is a sad thing, but if I don't wear my glasses , I can't see my eyebrows. If I do wear them, I can't pluck my eyebrows.

Due to the 70's , I have very little eyebrows left.

Although hair seems to grow everywhere else on my body, my eyebrows have never recovered from being plucked into a very thin line.

Against my better judgement, after the hair at Toni and Guy, I had my eyebrows threaded. I did point out to them that I am not comfortable with the spit thing. They took this quite amiss. Nobody seems to pluck eyebrows anymore. This threading seems to be all the rage, performed by gypsy people with odd accents.

I tried to keep an eye on how close the spit end of the thread was getting to my eyes , which is very difficult to do. Had to peer through half open eyes , into the mirror.

It was very sore actually, but this may have had a lot to do with my pointing out the spit problem.

Never again.

It can not be a good thing to have spit so close to your eye and then on top of it to pay £25 for the procedure.

House nerves

What to do when such a big decision has been made?

Go to Toni and Guy.

That's the answer.

Going tomorrow.

With good hair I will be prepared for anything!

Calm calm....

OK....

Be calm

Is just a house

Now have to trust Stupid Fuckwit Agents to carry this detail through...is not like in SA, there is no contract signed. Is altogether odd.

Deal is only realised on transfer..how dof is that?

Never mind.We have a house !!

Never mind that it has cost a million billion rand.

Never mind that it is nothing resembling a SA house

Yay Yay Yay

I am happy

Am going to go MAD buying furniture!

And will get a landscaper in, and going to build a conservatory, and buy a car

And best of all , never have to deal with a stupid estate agent ever again.

OMG

I have bought a house...I have bought a house.... bloody hell

Oh Oh Oh after all this time is too much for me... Lordy lordy

Shit kak bugger fuck!

Time

Have not mentioned this yet as it is very confusing.

This month the clocks were put forward an hour. Apparently this gives us light till later. Seems a tad pointless to me seeing as it is lighter anyway.

I had to change the time on the clock, the radio, the 2 phones in the flat, my phone which should have done this automatically and did not. My watch. My 2 spare watches. My itouch. My camera.

The wee P C seemed to do it all by itself which was good.

I still don't actually get it.

If I mention my confusion to The Hubby he just laughs like a drain , which is not helpful.

If it is called Daylight Saving why don't they do it in winter when we need it?

Where does it go? The hour? What are we saving?

I don't like it

Is dof.

Tram

Not content with having buses, trains, tubes, Docklands Light Railway, overground, underground (like Wombles) there are also Trams.

We went on a tram today.

Is a cross between a bus and a train.

Don't see the point actually.

The Hubby loves these Trains and Trams. Am worried he is going to turn into a trainspotter.

The Fabulous Townhouse

Well, the Greedy Fuckers #2 are still not giving in, but all is not lost.

Today I took The Hubby to see The Fabulous Townhouse and we are both decided that if we can get enough money together, this is The One!

So I told The Stupid Agent to report back that The Very Acceptable house will be on hold until further notice.

Was out all day looking at houses, managed to have only one smallish temper tantrum and told agent how she should work, which did not go down so well. Have realised that here, the agents work with the Sellers (which for some odd reason they call The Vendors) and not the buyers, who they probably just call The Idiots. Would not like to dwell too much on what they call me.

Have 3 agents now who have passed me on to other members of staff. Is fine, I don't care.

Agent who showed us The Fabulous Townhouse is not too bad. A bit short on info about the property, under the odd illusion that Dr Lauren lives with us (no attention to detail) but did offer us a lift back to the station. We said no, seeing as by some miracle, summer seems to have eventually arrived and it was warm.

I wore my summer calf length pants and a T shirt and flip flops, with a light jersey around my shoulders, just in case.

Luckily I did as it got bloody cold suddenly on the way home.

The Hubby was not cold as he wore a long sleeved shirt an a jacket.

He has turned into a sissy baby pom.

He did offer me his jacket, which was very gentlemanly.

Bloody Houses

I do not believe this! Am I doomed to deal with Greedy Fuckers and Stupid Agents? We are £5000 out in price and the agents can't make a deal? What is wrong with them?

I have gone up £10 000 and the Greedy Fuckers have come down £5000 and that is where we stick.

I am now in A VERY BAD MOOD and I have lost my Oyster card (left it on the bus) so am not in the mood for Stupid Agents.

It is now half past five so I am assuming the Stupid Agents will go on their merry way home and not spend all night trying to pull this deal together.

I do not want to lose the Very Acceptable House.

Do the Greedy Fuckers have no idea how many Rands are in £10 000?

signs of the day

I just love 'em!

Native

That is me...just about a native pom.

I am no longer traumatised by on line grocery shopping.

The tube is a doddle

So is the overground

And the bus.

I say 'text' and 'mobile'

I think £50 for a blouse is an acceptable price to pay

15 degree is very warm

130 m sq is a large house

I have found 2 houses, one we can afford and one we can't

The Hubby has a Very Important Interview which will make our choice of house easier.

Not that it matters all that much, because after all this time either house will do, they are both fab.

AND, both of the agents involved are quite acceptable.

I was quite rude to one of them, but she is thick skinned (or, more charitably) forgiving.

I, on the other hand, have not quite forgiven her, so will make an offer that forces her to cut her commission.

AND, I have a job!

How amazing is that?

We are in negotiation about the salary.

I will report back when all the details are ironed out............is NOT an estate agent job!

Name Dropping

I was so excited at going to see Graham Norton , I forgot he has guests on the show.

Silly me.

So, saw Ricky Gervais, Steven Merchant, Christina Ricci and Pixie Lott. All in one go!

Lordy.

Christina Ricca has got to be the most irritating twerp in the world, and she was somewhat trashed. For those of you here in the UK, the show is on Monday the 12th April. I was wearing a green top and sitting way at the back. Did think of making a big sign to hold up but decided against it.

It was great fun. The show ran for 2 hours, so I imagine there will be a lot of editing, mostly of Christina's worst moments.

Graham V Norton

Well, just how exciting can this be? I am off tomorrow night to a recording of the Graham V Norton show with The Gorgeous Son. I will be on TV! You will see me, I will be the one blocking out the light and probably most of the audience when the cameras move in my direction. Hopefully the true beauty of The Gorgeous Son will draw the attention away from me.

What to wear..what to wear? And how will I get an appointment at Toni and Guy at such short notice??

I love living in London.

And ..you will not believe!! I am going to meet Boy George! Oh yes indeed. First Friend Kaybee went to school with him.

Of course she just calls him George.

Hee Hee

Stones

Was Fun!

Movies

Once one has done bloody everything to be done in the country, what else is there to do? We went to the movies. Took us bloody ages to find the cinema...look at the pics and you will see why, not your average Odeon, charming indeed though!

Teeny screen, and was somewhat like watching a movie in a very grand lounge.

Alice in Wonderland was better than I expected.What a surprisingly lovely cinema.

Country Stuff

Yes, is actually quite lovely. Does go on a bit though.How much lovely can there be? Are there degrees of Loveliness? Must admit , when we were in Salisbury, was a bit more excited to see a Wagamamas than the cathedral.

Dennis

This is Dennis The Horse. He is a Morris Dancer. They are all certifiably mad as bloody hatters.

Holiday signs

Never stop finding them.....

Stonehenge Weekend

Well, Stonehenge itself was fabulous, the weather was OK, and even quite pleasant.

Much to my surprise there also is a Woodhenge. Anyone ever heard of this? No, didn't think so.

Is less than impressive, especially seeing as the wood no longer exists and has been replaced by concrete bollards representing the previous wood. Is really stupid. Not as stupid however, as the 'Mounds' Nobody actually knows what these 'mounds' are, or why they were erected. Google 'Silbury Hill' if you really need to know why the sissy baby poms feel the need to immortalize mounds of man made chalk covered in grass.

Have decided that The Country is a place to visit, but not a place to live. There are no decent restaurants for a start. We went to a place called Tandoori Nights. The chef has never been to Durban and has no idea how to make a curry. The town we stayed in..town? Did I say town?

The street we stayed in may have no cuisine but bloody hell do they have Karioke! Three bars, till 2 in the morning.

Nonetheless, let me not whinge. It was a fabulous weekend away, we ate all the cookies and laughed ourselves stupid.

houses again...never bloody ending

Houses D E F G and H ......mostly crap. But, now, House whatever the hell we are down the alphabet is FABULOUS. Oh, it is soooo wonderful. It is in Beckenham.

I got there, but actually have very little idea where it actually is, but it is not terribly far from where we live now. 108 bus, and then 54 bus. (Dude, where's my merc???)

There is the issue of traffic noise, which The Hubby hates. But, as I pointed out to him, he is old, and getting deaf, so how bad can it be? He did not seem to like this. But, is true, and we can turn the TV up.

So, apart from the noise, it is as perfect as it gets. It is a terrace...which I like to think of as a townhouse. Perspective is all.

I LOVE it. I love it more than the Dear Wee Cottage.

It has wooden floors and ...get this.. THREE bathrooms!! Ok, the third bathroom is just stupid as for some reason it is in the utility room, but we will ignore that.

FOUR bedrooms. Actually, 3 bedrooms, and a wee wee study. But the bedrooms are BIG.

No cupboards, lets not go mad here......but , indeed, actual space for cupboards.

Designer, fabulous kitchen and bathrooms, even a garage (of sorts, garages are a bit odd here, more like sheds with big front doors.)

Absolutely no work to be done, it is the best place I have seen.

Oh, did I mention...is a tad over budget?

Kak

Stonehenge 2

Have given this some thought.

Have baked. Special cookies

Hee hee.

Have sampled baking.

Lovely.

Fuck the rain...will be fine.

Cookies actually were a kid's kit and the writing is supposed to say Tom and Jerry. With a wee Tom and Jerry sticker.

Hee hee hee. How funny is that??

Stonehenge

We are going to Stonehenge for the easter weekend, upon reflection this may be a bit like going to Rome over easter, what with all the pagans and all. Never mind, The Hubby has a new camera, we can take lots of pics. Of course, the weather is crap, which to me, is a big surprise, seeing as it is actually spring. Seems not to be much of a surprise to the rest of the population.

The Gorgeous Son is coming with, so I think we will have fun even if we have to stay in the hotel if it bloody rains all weekend, or indeed, snows. It has snowed in Scotland and Ireland this week, so who knows? Personally, I think it would be quite nice if it snowed. Better than rain.