no more ironing

Can you believe? After those couple of hours ironing I am totally wiped out and in pain.

How pathetic am I going to be after this cast comes off?

This truly is not funny.

Slept till 2 pm today and for the first time for ages had to take pain meds. This is very depressing.

Has taught me that ironing is bad for you.

What a wimp.

Going back to sleep now.

My week

The Hubby is going to Dublin on Tuesday am.

SA Sam is coming to stay and be my carer/cleaner.

(Poor Sam. Sorry. )

Lovely Niece Sam is also coming to stay I think while The Gorgeous Son goes ski ing in Poland, due to the fact that they have a psychotic house mate at the minute.

Neil Worrell Esq. is coming to visit on Wednesday. Yay!

My million dollar cleaners are coming on Thursday.

SA Sam is going to fetch me a wheelchair from Teddington. (I think I travel free on public transport in a wheelchair)

Idols has got down to the top 24.

I can barely contain my excitement.

New Skills

Aha! I can indeed iron sitting down with my foot on a bankie.

Not duvet covers (just too large to manage sitting down), am happy to report that The Hubby ironed the duvet cover.

Ha! Really enjoyed watching that!

The Hubby also learned today how to unblock a drain (bicarb and vinegar)

And, how to clean a vase into which you cannot fit your hand (rice and vinegar, swill around, then rinse)

He is kak impressed with these methods of mine,( a lot of my cleaning methods involve vinegar.)

And yes (sorry to any of my children who may be reading this ) you can have sex whilst your leg is in a cast.

Amazing what we learn to do whilst disabled.

The legend of Lefi Ganderson

The legend of Lefi Ganderson, the goat boy of Seething.

Known as the Seething Festival, and celebrated today, in Surbiton.

http://resourcehome.org/The_Legend_of_Lefi.html

No idea why. In fact, this has not been celebrated since 1921, but lo! is again celebrated , with great pomp and ceremony and processions, in our very high street.

The Hubby ran out and took pics.

This is very odd.

We were worried that it may just be some kind of hangover from the weed we smoked this weekend, but no, this was really happening.

It seems to be a very new agey ley lines fable thing..... Norwegian, do you know? I think I am going mad.

Spring?

Today was lovely...until about 11am. The sky was blue, the sun was warm...I wished I was able to go outside...then it got dark and rainy and KAK cold, and we had to put the heating on.

Still, spring is on the way, I know it. In the paper today the forecast for the week ahead was no rain, and getting towards double figures.

Well, double figures! That is fucking amazing. Who would have thought I could ever have been excited at 10 degrees?

Bloody Hell.

But, still and all, the trees and the plant are blooming , (don't know most of them , but they are blooming nonetheless) And the strawberries are lovely. Yummy yummy yummy.

Squirrels

I knew from the start that BIF was going to be trouble.

Since the trees were cut down , and the squirrels have been missing, I have been very worried.

Then , today, Hoppy returned. All I can draw from this is that BIF has gone off with Skippy,leaving poor Hoppy all alone.

For those of you who have not kept up with the blog, BIF is Bad Influence Friend.

I knew this would be a bad thing the minute he scattered all the monkey nut shells all over the garden path. Hoppy and Skippy were quite happy until BIF came along.

When one is housebound, these issues do magnify somewhat.

Things to do with liquorice strips...

Admittedly, sometimes, I do get bored

Maid in England

This has become a necessity . Once a week maid service until I am better.

So, The Hubby's office is not to be cleaned seeing as it looks like The Starship Enterprise with cables and computers and phones all over the place.

That leaves 1 bathroom, 1 kitchen, 1 bedroom and a lounge area. Plus the stairs I guess, as they need to be vacuumed, and the landing and passage.

No ironing, no windows. No washing.

2 maids, total time, probably about an hour and a half.

Very nice mum and daughter team.

Saffa friends should sit down at this point.

£50.40

Recovery

Goodness, I am soooo much better!

Am no longer in constant pain

My upper body strength is quite impressive now. Up and down the stairs like a monkey.

Can do limited jobs if I can do them sitting down or crawling.

Can get into the bath by myself, brush my teeth and wash my hair. Can't get out of the bath though, but am working on it.

Can shave my one remaining leg.

Can make coffee and swoosh it along the counter to where I can reach it if I sit on the kitchen chair nearest the sink.

Have learnt a lot.

Not a good idea to pull yourself up on a chair.

Opening the fridge/cupboard while standing on one leg is also not a good idea.

Was going to go for an outing today...either Zizzi's , or pub around the corner (both within crutches/time allowed for leg not elevated reach.

The Hubby declared the weather too inclement so did not go.

The Hubby (whom I have SPOILT and RUINED for the last 30 years) has learnt more than me.

He can now do the washing/drying

Cook a meal

Perform basic cleaning tasks

Amazing.

Bless him, he really doesn't quite know what to do with this helpless wife, but when in doubt , he buys me stuff. Flowers, books, pyjamas, weekend lounging outfits, chocolates, brandy, Radley handbags....

I love The Hubby

New Discovery

I have never before felt the need to watch TV or movies on my wee pee cee...but how amazing!

Lying in bed with my foot up...I can watch anything! It's quite something.

You would think, with all this time at my disposal, I would try to improve my mind, learn a new language, watch cutting edge programmes.

Not so much.

I have watched, to my shame...the following:

My Baby is a Monkey

The World's Fattest man

Body Shock-Conjoined twins who share a brain

Big Fat Gypsy Weddings

Father Ray Comes Out

LOTS of

Come Dine With Me

Embarrassing Bodies

Dancing on Ice

American Idols

I think it may be something to do with the drugs

Probably not though, that is a very scary thought.

Some people would write a novel in this amount of free time.

New Best Friends

of course, the crutches, but also the footstool (previously a sitting room accessory) but now balanced at the foot of the bed , pillow atop, to elevate the foot. Not the most comfortable position in which to sleep, but it works after a fashion.

The Kindle. Fabulous.

It means I am not tripping over/sleeping on the usual piles of books. If I need a new book, I download one . There are hundreds of free books for the Kindle...don't let anyone put you off by saying you pay VAT on Kindle books...so many books under £2.50! All the classics are free, it is wonderful.

Ah yes. I will take ANYTHING to stop the pain!

These are merely what is left...I am phoning for more, start of business tomorrow.

Essential! Thank you Dr Lauren.

Bathnight being only when The Hubby is here....

pom speak

New Word

Numpty

Really cool word, but not quite being a Pom, one worries.

Is it quite a sweet word, (this is the impression I get) as in " What a Numpty", as in "silly boy, how sweet, doffie person" or could it be the Pom version of' Doos', in which case , best I don't say it.

How does one know? Will ask Darling Simon, he knows all this stuff.

But actually he does not know 'Doos', so best I ask Dr Lauren.

But she is not a Pom so much, so...actually will not use the word, is a stupid word anyway.

Who knew life could be so complicated?

One's world is somewhat small when most of it is spent in bed.

9 0' clock. Am going to sleep now.

Who cares? Morning, noon, night? sleep, not sleep?

4 and a half weeks to go.

Bloody Hell

Night Night

Things that have not pissed me off.

Do not get the wrong impression. I am so not a touchy feely new agey naffy count your blessings person.

The Hubby and I never get into bed and smile fondly at each other and say things like 'what are we thankful for today' or 'what was your best moment today' (truly...people actually do this! How vomit inducing can you get?)

So the fact that there was a nice thing today can hardly be construed as a blessing seeing as it actually only happened seeing as I have smashed my ankle to smithereens and probably will never walk ...ok , ok, maybe I am going a bit too far there...

So, thank you Amiga Jane, for visiting me and feeding me fart inducing food, and brandy, and floofing my pillows and cleaning and tidying and making me laugh and singing to me, and being a genius for thinking of making a flask of coffee for me to keep upstairs.

Te amo mi querida amiga.

See you tomorrow.

By the way, I have eaten all the blackberries and drunk most of the brandy.

Things that have pissed me off today

1.) The stupid internet. I have been offline for HOURS. Seeing as I am home alone this is not good. So I have to climb down the stairs to reset the box thingy. Then crawl back up. Then restart the wee pee cee. Then go back down when it doesn't work....and if it doesn't work I cannot be online, but I also cannot use my i touch to listen to my podcasts, or download books for my kindle.

The Hubby is in Dublin, so this is his fault. Obviously, I have fixed this now. Am still annoyed though.

2.) Virgin. They are supposed to help. I pay them to be there for me .But no, their stupid answerphone is not working. You would think Richard Branson would see to these issues.

3.) Crutches. The 'Long John Silver' under the armpit type have been outlawed by Health and Safety. So I have the stupid elbow ones which means I cannot carry anything while I am hopping, or lean whilst I am balancing on one leg.

4.) Radio station. Which I usually enjoy, but while I was offline , the topic under discussion was Clamping. I don't care. I don't have a car. If I did, I would be very careful where I parked in London. Boring Boring Boring.

5.) The person (you know who you are) who beat my Zuma Blitz score by so many points that there is no point to even playing anymore. So thank you so much, for spoiling the pleasure for a poor disabled invalid. Nice one. Never mind...perhaps I will devote tomorrow to trying to get you back.

6.) The kitchen light. One of the spotlights is hissing and buzzing. If it goes, it will trip all the lights (this is a Pom thing) then I will have to crawl in the dark to the cupboard and reset the fusebox thing.

I actually am going to stop now, because I can see that this list could be endless.

Staples

Stitches....everyone said STITCHES out, nobody said STAPLES! )

Ow Ow Ow! Was a bit of a shock to see the metalwork in my ankle. The Gorgeous Son drove me to the hospital. No problems with the NHS, am still V. impressed. Apart from the fact that a wheelchair was not available and I had to get to the rooms a hundred million miles away on my crutches, but I guess the hopping was good for me. I was totally knackered , but after all, this was the first exercise I have had for 3 weeks.

I now have a fibreglass cast, very snazzy, am impressed. I had a choice of colours...pink, purple, blue, green, yellow, red...I chose green. To match my eyes. And my bruises.

Had x rays and all...love my doctor, but she said I have to keep the leg elevated for another 5 weeks, and NEVER put the foot to the ground.

Bloody hell.

Fine, I am beginning to like this staying in bed and reading all day.

Poor Trees....

While I was in the hospital, some IDIOT chopped off the top of the trees.

Not only does it look terrible (see before and after pics) but my squirrels have disappeared. Haven't seen them once since I got home.

I assume the trees will grow back, but what about Hoppy and Skippy and Bif?

sauce

Am wishing that I had not taught The Hubby how to get those last bits of Tomato Sauce out of the bottle by using centrifugal force.

Or at least told him to make sure the lid was on.

Kitchen is now decorated in tomato sauce.

Ceiling, cupboards, door, floor.....

Fabulous.

Going to bed now.

Am very tired.

tuesday

V. V. exciting... my appointment for stitches out and new cast is on Tuesday.

Going out! Into the light!

Yay!

How pathetic can you get?

spring spring spring

These are the lovely flowers that Welkom Friend Charlotte brought me.

They make me think that Spring is on the way.

12 degrees the last few days....I am eternally optimistic!

Other things that make me happy.....

I am KAK impressed with The Hubby who has (under instruction) cleaned and tidied the whole house and made food. Last night he made szechuan rib eye steak with noodles (under instruction)...was very very nice.

I suggested he stripped off and wore just a pinny , but he said something very very rude to me so I think that is not going to happen anytime soon.

Pity.

I am getting to like this sitting in the kitchen and bossing The Hubby around.

The Hubby is not liking it quite so much.

Bored

Bored bored bored bored

Have read all my books

Have played all my computer games

Listened to all my podcasts

Listened to the radio

Watched TV

Smoked weed

Drank brandy

Taken meds

Phoned everybody in the world

E mailed

Skyped

Facebooked

Slept

BLOODY HELL

This is the first week

Fuck.

Graffitti

Oh Bless! (Poms)

Ag Shame! (Saffas)

Invalid (read it either way)

SA Sam left this morning to go to her first ever Caring job. Was v. kind of me to break my ankle and give her some experience. She did a great job, but she seemed a bit disappointed that I could wipe my own bum.

Now I am left to the tender mercies of The Hubby.

This may be a problem. I don't like to complain, but so far , this is what he has done:

Wakes me from my naps by either shaking or poking me to 'see if I am dead'

Helpfully patted me on the bum as I was getting up causing me to fall over head first.

Had to have a lie down after cleaning the bathroom (excluding floor)

Hospital photos

No shit, Sherlock

This is my robocop hand. Bloody uncomfortable.

This is the marking on my leg so they knew which one to operate on.....