Goodbye to snow

Unbelievably, this was Boxing day!

Back in London now, it is rainy and grey.

Ah well. Can't have everything. White xmas was enough to keep me going a while!

Xmas gifts

There were so many presents under the tree!

Everyone did exceedingly well in the unusual gifts department. I got my very own slush making machine, and a disco light that goes in the bath and lights up the water. Darling Simon got a clock that is powered by cola. The Hubby got his own vine on a wine estate. Dr Lauren got a soft toy in the form of the common cold virus. MOTHER got a 'stop smoking, start saving' money box. She was not amused.

Between the 12 of us and all the fabulous gifts we have boosted the British economy no end.

White Xmas

I have always dreamt of a White Xmas....

No child in the world, awaiting Father Xmas, could have been as excited as I was by all this snow.

Darling Simon's side of the family looked at the South African contingent frolicking in the snow in much the same way as one would observe funny looking animals in the zoo.

Odd things that are different between an English xmas and a SA xmas.

12 of us in the holiday cottage, lots of cooking and tidying up going on. The Brits couldn't find anything because the SA's put everything in the fridge, and vice versa.

Cries of WHY IS THE TOMATO SAUCE IN THE FRIDGE??? (Brit)

WHO LEFT THE BUTTER OUT??? (SA...0r Saffas as we are called here)

Saffas opening windows and doors, Brits closing them. Don't you love the cross culture experience?

The meals were great, the turkey would have fed a small village...it was magnificent.

I was in charge of gravy and vegetables, but excluding parsnips and roast potatoes.

Great Aunt Faith was in charge of all dessert.

The Xmas meal went off very well, and then, as is a great Brit Tradition, we staggered into the sitting room to see the Queen's speech. I stood up when God Save the Queen was played. Put my hand over my heart, but removed it quickly as I realised Americans do that, not us. As far as I know.

Boxing Day Beef was perfect, and nobody knew we had dropped the whole kit and caboodle on the kitchen floor. In fact MOTHER said it was the best beef she had had in 20 years. Her family were butchers so she should know.

No cell phone signal, no wifi...but a walk up the lane to where one was about ankle deep in snow would sometimes produce a weak signal. managed to speak to loved ones, if briefly and faintly.

With 12 of us, Dr Lauren had quite a few opportunities to use her medical skills. She is going to be a wonderful doctor. The Hubby and I are very proud and cannot wait until she gets her first prescription pad. The doctors here do not give you drugs. The pharmacy would't sell me stugeron when The Hubby had vertigo because it wasn't travel related and stugeron are for travel sickness.

Bloody hell.

Next year we will be 16...booking larger cottage. Taking same amount of food. Buying smaller presents. Dr Lauren solved this problem very cleverly. Whatever we couldn't fit in the car, we took a photograph of the gift and put it in an envelope for the recipient. Was very funny.

Spreadsheet Error

On Dr Lauren's xmas spreadsheet I was supposed to be in charge of Brussel Sprouts.

(a big responsibility)

However, Dr Lauren made an error. This does not often happen, but indeed it did.

So, both Darling Simon's Aged Grandparent Ronald and I were in charge of Brussel Sprouts

Aged Grandparent Ronald GREW the Brussels Sprouts.

No contest.

I took mine back to Sainsbury's and got a full refund.

£2 for Brussel Sprouts for 12 people.

Grow your own

Priceless

snow stories

I love the snow. However, I am realising there may be such a thing as a wee bit too much snow.

Car #1 could not leave on Monday night . Too much snow. Roads not working. Hmmm.

So Car #1 left today, and did arrive safe and sound.

Luckily, MOTHER arrived yesterday, as today the station at Glasgow was closed.

As it was , took us 3 hours to get from Kings Cross to home, admittedly , an hour of that was spent in a pub waiting for rush hour to subside. We had to take a taxi from the o2 to the flat, The Hubby and I could have walked it, but not MOTHER. Greenwich was in gridlock, with no buses running, luckily, the taxi could drive in the bus lane up to our flat, but no further.

These poms....a wee bit of snow and the whole country comes to a bloody standstill.

Car#2 has to be picked up tomorrow at 9am and driven back across London... so for the first time ever in my life, I am hoping it does not snow too much.

Then Car #2 needs to drive to Fuckingham, a 2 and a half hour drive (under normal circumstances) to the Xmas Manor. Oh, not Fuckingham.. what the hell is it called??? Fakenham.

Cars#3,4 and 5 are having problems. There is not enough space to take all the xmas presents, food and all the other stuff we need for 12 people.

However, Dr Lauren and I have cleverly solved this. We have taken photos of the larger presents and then left those at home.

So the recipients will get a photograph of their present. I am glad that I am personally not one of those recipients. But will be very funny for those that are. Dr Lauren and I are going to love this!

We have been advised not to undertake unnecessary journeys. Unfortunately , this is a very necessary journey. The Xmas Manor was very expensive and we will not be refunded because of snow.

We have further been advised, that should we decide to take a journey, we need to be prepared. So, indeed we are.

We have bought 2 flasks, and will fill them with a hot drink. We will take blankets in the car. And a change of clothing. Quite why this is advised, I do not know. But I am new to being trapped in the snow so will comply.

There were people trapped in their cars for 8 hours yesterday. I truly hope this does not happen. I would kill MOTHER for a start.

Which is probably not very xmassy.

still some snow

Still blue skies and sun...and still snow, but it is the same snow, no new stuff, am hoping for new snow , and lots of it, when we head off into the country on Wednesday. Am getting a bit fed up with the old snow, is just a bit slippy slidy now on the walk to Sainsbury's.

xmas

The run up to xmas is hectic. For a start it is very exciting what with the snow and all.

I have learnt that many many men wear a black coat, gloves, and beanie, plus a striped scarf. Only one of them is my husband. Is always best to check before holding a hand, patting a bum or leaning upon such a person.

Today is Dr Lauren's birthday, so the small London clan gathered, celebrated, and then went to see Avatar.

Was a good movie.

Also, dropped all the xmas gifts off to be transported in CAR #1 , on the great trip to the Xmas Manor.

CAR#1 leaves Monday pm with Dr Lauren and Darling Simon

MOTHER arrives Monday pm, in rush hour, of course.

CAR#2 departs Wed am with MOTHER, and all the rest of us plus remaining gifts, food and other essentials.

We will then venture on through the snow.

CAR#3 departs from Norwich somewhere , I am getting vague on the arrangements here, as we need more drivers, as there is now a CAR#4. And also, I think, a CAR#5.

Hopefully, all 12 of us in our many cars, bearing gifts and food will be at the xmas manor on Wednesday.

Is all very complicated. But, Dr Lauren has a spreadsheet so we all know where we stand. Hopefully.

I, personally have forgotten a lot, but am sure it will all turn out splendidly on the day.

We have a shit load of alcohol, so all will be great.

let it snow let it snow let it snow

Oh yes. It is snowing up a storm! Is resting on the floor...about 2cm thick so far...Oh is so lovely...

let it snow let it snow let it snow indeed

xmas tree

Gloves and scarves reprise

Also, with gloves, you cannot undo buttons or zips , I nearly peed in my pants. And , the loo in North Greenwich station has stainless steel seats. Is bloody freezing. Your bum freezes to the seat. Was only desperation that made me have to pee before walking home.

One has to hover. Luckily I got this down to a fine art before it got as cold as it is now. Was bloody cold enough in autumn.

Amazingly, on the walk down to the Tube this morning, there on the pavement was my scarf! A bit wet and snowed upon, but there nonetheless. I am pleased seeing as it was brand new and matches my gloves.

It snowed again today. We went out to Caterham today to look at a house, and the snow there was much heavier than in Greenwich. Lovely , really....

The house was ...... small. Nice, neat, sweet, awfully well placed and in the loveliest of Villages, but small.

Not being picky here...truly I am not. But in total, including 3 beds and 2 baths, with all the normal rooms that go in a house, still did not quite make 100 sq m. That includes a garage.

Bloody hell.

But, not at all daunted, we are returning on Saturday to look at other houses (bigger houses) in this truly lovely and snowy village. A good sign as well, is that the estate agent is not a total arse like the last few have been. Of course, I feel obliged to tell these agents just how bad they are and that they would never ever have worked for me. This does not always go down too well, although some agents seem to be quite thick skinned. This particular agent is a very holy christian who is hovering on the edge of sharing the blessed gospel with us. Poor man has no idea, so best he restrains from this path.

I laughed merrily at one agent's approach to sales. Felt The Hubby cringe somewhat, but even he is starting to take a low tolerance approach to the absurd stupidity of the UK agents.

Being stuck in a lift for an hour at a viewing with our least favourite estate agent was rather interesting.

We will find a house. Eventually. Somewhere.

The Hubby has been persuaded again to work another month for the Irish lot. They love him.

But no, we are so not going to live in Dublin. Is too far from the children.

Too many potatoes, and I am already as fat as a pig from the not smoking. If we moved to Dublin with all the potatoes I would be on the news as one of the people who was removed from her house with a crane. As it is I need a crane to move me from the bed to the bathroom. Looking for a house may be more complicated as we may need an extra bedroom just for me.

Hmm

Yay ! Snow

Today it snowed!

Very exciting and lovely and I wanted it to snow all day and night and settle, but it was not that kind of snow. (am not really quite up yet with the different types of snow)

My sunglasses kept the snow from blowing in my eyes, which was good, also, I am prepared, as snow blindness is no laughing matter .

Gloves

Things you cannot do with gloves on

Eat crisps

Pick up coins

Take cards out of wallet

Use cell phone

Turn pages (newspaper or book)

Things you can do with a scarf

Lose them . I have lost 3 now

Blue skies

This is what the weather looked like today. Bright sunshine. See the sissy baby poms in their coats and scarves and jackets. See me in my sunglasses. This was about 2 o clock. By 4 o' clock it was dark and much colder. But 2 o' clock was good.

Friends

Yes! Indeed. I have Friends. I have at least 5 friends.

Lordy lordy.

I had 2 functions in 2 days

And combined with The Hubby working only 3 days away from home...

what will I do? what will I do? too much excitement altogether...

xmas tree

The xmas tree of the moment here in London, is a BLACK tree. Tres elegant! Also, the upside down tree, which also, is very in. And indeed, the upside down black xmas tree...

The Hubby wants an electronic tree. Not to sure what that is all about, but will hit Oxford street tomorrow and find out.

I am down to the last xmas shopping. Dr Lauren and The gorgeous son are outstanding xmas gifts, and they are in luck, as it gets closer to xmas I get more generous, (and more panicked!)

Am looking forward to the holiday cottage for xmas. It has an indoor pool. I bought a costume today. Looking at a Free Willie type of thing. Lordy lordy.

Be like a whale stuck in the ice

Fuck

Anyway, today it was 8 degrees, with no wind, so was actually not a bad day weatherwise.

8 degrees is not cold. I lived in the Free State . Was much colder there. Not all day, but nonetheless , was cold in the morning.

Weather is not too bad here. Truly

ukky ukky

Whereas I do feel desperately sorry for The Dear Hubby, it is not so much fun while he has an inner ear imbalance and vomits copiously into a bucket.

I just whisper to myself "in sickness and in health...in sickness and in health..."

Knowing that when I am sick I could actually DIE before The Hubby would actually bring me a glass of water.

Here was I , lovingly emptying buckets of vomit into the loo, and returning a nice clean dettolled bucked for more vomit.

Yay.

Santa Fun Run

Dr Lauren and Darling Simon and Gorgeous Son and Lovely Niece Sam all ran in the Silly Santa 5 k run to raise money for charity...they did so well, it peed down with rain initially, but cleared up for the run! Yay! Well done Team!

I was on the sidelines, had to throw my umbrella away after it blew inside out... drank coffee inside..BUT was still there for you!! Well done all my Silly Santas

Speechless

I am , indeed , speechless, laryngitis , or probably something more sinister according to Dr Lauren, nonetheless, I have been unable to talk. Which some may see as a good thing. But is a tad awkward if you are home alone and the phone rings.......... Anyway, can now after a few days, croak , so all is well.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Of we went to a Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park...was lovely. Lots of Mulled Wine, but no real snow...bugger! I so want it to snow. Am on my own with that wish!

Reading Group

I may have been a bit mean about The Reading Group in previous blogs.

I was comparing them to our Book Club which is obviously the best Book Club in the whole world, and nothing like a reading group.

So, not fair then.

I LOVE my reading group.

I am sorry that I was a tad mean when I first went to Reading Group. it's just that it was all a bit different for me.

Oops..italics? how did that happen?

Anyway..I like Reading group . I like that we read the same book, I like that the librarian chooses it for us, and that we have to read it, like it or not. I love the discussions by all the different people on the same book. I have been invited to a xmas open house by a member of the Reading Group on the 12th December. Is my very first invitation out here in Greenwich!!

ooops in all my excitement have set the smoke alarm off cooking pork chop.......bloody hell

gloves

In the new (to me) cold weather, glove wearing is something of a novelty, needless to say I lost one of my gloves on the way back from my Reading group (more about reading group later)

The next day, on my way to view a property, lo and behold, there was my missing glove, slipped over the armrest in the bus shelter. How cool is that?!

Loony Tunes

If I am ever going to make friends I am going to have to stop talking to myself.

On the way back from Sainsburys , it started to rain, and I said (very loudly actually)

" Don't Rain On Me!"

Did not see the Sainsbury's staff having a smoke under the awning. I could hear them laugh all the way to the main road.

On the upside, the rain did stop.

Laundry

I have 3 children. At one stage they were all going to school at the same time, The Hubby was working, which equals 20 shirts a week (excluding weekend wear)

So how is it at all bloody hell possible that with only TWO of us in the house , there is so much Laundry?? I seem to iron all the time and there is always washing on the clothes horse. I have just ironed for 2 goddamn hours and The Hubby arrives home from Dublin tonight, bringing more washing. How many outfits does the man wear in a day?

Also, while The Hubby was alone in London he bought shirts that are made out of woodchip . They are ugly and impossible to iron. He loves them. I am going to take them to Oxfam.

Oh you Pretty things!

First flowers I have recieved, from Lovely Lindsay Loo.

Also, wonderfully diverse mushrooms we get here!

Robots

Ok, truly have learnt to say 'traffic lights ' now. Also 'Roundabout' and not 'Circle.'

First saw this Traffic light when driving with Dr Lauren, nearly had heart attack.

Actually is artwork not real robot...but who would know?? Is at intersection. Luckily I was not driving at the time. Was bad enough being passenger. Screamed loudly and frightened Dr Lauren.

smoothie

I the interests of my 5 a day I buy these smoothies. Called 'innocent' At the minute they come with their own little wooly hat

Sunglasses

The Poms are so into the wearing of jackets and scarves and stuff in case it gets colder. Which is fine....and I have learnt from this.

BUT... today, coming out of Sainsbury's ..the sun was shining, and the poms are like 'oh my god what is that, i am blind , i cant see...

It is SUN

Have sunglasses.

Admittedly I am usually the only person in the whole of the UK who wears sunglasses .

If you can wear a whole wardrobe in case it gets cold, surely you could wear sunglasses in case the sun shines...

It is still a bit odd that I am usually the only person that wears sunglasses.

The Hubby says rude things like 'pretentious tw*t' which I think is a bit unfair, I am sensitive to the light.

midnight

This early dark thing is becoming a problem. It is 11 o'clock at night. I have already had a bath, had supper and been asleep for 3 hours. I am awake now. It is not morning.

I am really hoping there is something on TV .

How so cool xmas am I??

Harrods just called me. Hello... Harrods calling?

(8 o' clock at night?) Is Mrs Hewlett available just now?

Excuse me, Mrs Hewlett, sorry to trouble you, but your go- go hamsters are here..

(Me) Could you send them to South Africa? (Mrs Hewlett is quite impressed that Harrods is calling her)

We can have them delivered to you by tomorrow morning, would that be acceptable?

Well perhaps I could manage that... I have waited 3 weeks for this call...

And I get discount seeing as I have a Harrods card

If Eldest daughter Greta can get a bloody go go hamster at Eastgate for the grandchildren I am going to jump off Tower Bridge. I have been on every list in London for the bloody go go hamsters. Hamleys, Debenhams, House of Fraser, goddamn Selfridges...

Please please tell me that the go go hamsters actually are a thing in SA??

Would be a kak thing if i send the hamsters and they go...what is this??

And also may not get them to SA in time for xmas... am going to try................

xmas again

I am v excited about xmas and have already sent off the pressies to Eldest Child Greta (do NOT open before xmas) Even if they are such fab pressies...

Father Xmas is watching!!

xmas is coming

Seeing as I was 3 when I left the Uk, this will be my first ever cold xmas... it had bloody well better snow.

I am looking forward to xmas... in a way.. we are going to a cottage in Norwich and Dr Lauren is in charge and we are receiving spreadsheets to organise the xmas period...anyone who was involved in the wedding spreadsheets will feel my pain...

winter a coming

I have to admit it is getting a bit chill. I used to take a pashmina with me in case it got chilly.

ThenI stopped wearing flip flops.

Then I took a light jacket in case it got chilly.

Now I have to admit defeat.

I thought the Brits were sissy babies for wearing stockings (tights) and Jumpers (jerseys) and coats and scarves , when it was not actually cold. What they do is actually quite sensible. It may not be cold when you set out, but it WILL get colder. So you can either carry all the warm clothes, or wear them. They wear them. I have been carrying them , in a Waitrose bag. Not actually worn them.

BUT, this week, it has become a tad chilly. Today I walked to Sainsburys and it was cold. I wished I had brought my gloves.

So, sadly, it has become hat and glove and scarf weather.

All my clothes are wrong for the UK. I am going to have to go and buy winter stuff. Not heavy jerseys or anything like that, but I am short on long sleeved tops. So i need a camisole, a t shirt, a long sleeved t shirt and then a long sleeved button up blouse, and then any of my assortment of coats and jackets.

I have a black, mid length leather jacket

A red, very hot , but awfully stylish, melton coat.

A brown wool knitted jacket... Knee length ...( neither use nor ornament)

A beige (very ugly ) waterproof jacket, with stupid hood that blows off in wind, ( bought in Cape Town, good for nothing)

A Tesco's very nice stylish but impractical light jacket which is not waterproof

A pistatio green leather jacket bought in Buenos Aires that is very pretty and serves no purpose whatsoever.

Not a clue actually.

Am probably going to freeze my ass off.

Harrods

Ha ha ! How cool am I?

People with a taste for...Spur?

For a start, everyone knows where it is . (there is only one in the UK)

You know what you're getting before you go in...no hang on, sorry, that's Holiday Inn.

Still and all, there is something familiar about it , made even better when someone calls you and says " See you at the Spur"

Which is exactly what My London Friend Mr Worrell Esq. did . Quite made my whole week.

Mr Worrell Esq, having been here for much much longer than me, is an expert in EVERYTHING English.

I really must avail myself of his help more often. I would have saved myself time and irritation if I had asked him what the English was for tin foil , ear buds and baby oil.

South African English has drifted quite far off the original!

Estate Agent

Try to imagine this scene.

First of all, The Hubby and I had to squish and squeeze and actually limbo into a car with 2 doors and no back seat. The CD goes on... (loud).

Stupid Person says 'I am just lovin' Michael Jackson right now' as that stupid whiny 'what about leeeeerrrve' song plays. Is not turned down.

I said 'Better late than never' but was probably not heard over the whiny music or remark flew over the head of Stupid Person.

No, we had not been kidnapped. We had not won a prize and were being taken to a mystery destination by the only person they could find to drive us there.

No.

This Stupid Person is

An ESTATE AGENT.

This is just the kind of person that gives the general public the idea that we are all fucking idiots.

Did not kill her.

No weapon, for a start, and The Hubby would have been a witness.

Am beginning to despair about ever buying a house.

Or a Bungalow. That has got to be the most stupid word ever. I refuse to say it. I do not allow anyone in the family to say it to me. I do not say it to the agents.

I hate the agents here,they are absolutely abysmal.

I would like to exclude the Felicity J Lord company. In future, they are the only ones I am going to deal with.

Doc Martens

The Hubby decided to buy shoes, so off we went to Covent garden to get Doc's. The Hubby loves that the shoes have a lifetime guarantee. For £100 a pair they bloody well should have. Is a fabulous shop.There were too many people and too few (dof) staff so they locked the doors to keep the people out. Was funny. People peering through the window, staff running up and down the stairs.But, success, The Hubby has a black pair and a brown pair. All sorted now, as they say here.

O2

Michael McIntyre is really funny. We enjoyed the show, had a good meal at Spur (well, a good meal EXPERIENCE) , all the family was there , and also Best man Gareth who is Welsh and lovely and very very handsome.

I was impressed with the O2. Is big. We got tickets at the last minute so Micheal McIntyre was a teeny teeny person on the stage far far below. Thank goodness for the big screen TV's.

Celebs

Problem is, I don't know who they are. So, all the programmes that anyone watches, like 'I am a Celebrity , get me out of here'...(big deal at the mo, everyone talking about it) and 'Strictly come dancing' (known as strictly) ... nope! means nothing to me. No idea who these people are. Do not watch soaps. The only person on I'm a celeb (they don't call it that but cannot type the whole thing again) I know is Kim from 'How Clean is your House'. They call her Kimnaggy which is quite funny.

So! How can they be celebs if I don't know them?

I am getting to know comedians though. I listen to the podcasts of 8 out of 10 cats, Mock the week, QI en so voort.

You can learn a lot about the society in which you are living by listening to the comedians.

Speaking of which we are going to the 02 tonight for The Gorgeous Son's Birthday Treat to eat at the Spur and see Michael MacIntyre. (comedian...very funny) This will be my first time in the 02 arena , am very excited, will take pictures. Lovely niece Sam and Darling Simon and Dr Lauren are also coming.

Heating

Pressed all the buttons, have either disabled or broken it. Is too hot for heating. Have sliding door open, windows open, wearing T shirt and no shoes (of course)

Is middle of November in the UK. Either is unseasonably warm, or all poms are sissy babies which is my preferred theory.

Day out pics......

Always something to see

Sunny Sunday

This is the 02 as it looked at 11am this morning. On the way home, was absolute hell as Beyonce is performing there...all stupid people who do not live in London and do not know how to use escalators, or even pavements... wandering all over the place looking at the pretty lights and thus walking into people like me who are trying to get home.

Sunday Xmas shops

Inside Harrods.....it's magic! The theme in Harrods is The wizard of Oz, hence the Ruby Slippers, you can buy them in any size from baby ones to size whatever!

Free Wine

How's this for a deal? I love the free stuff you get here! Last week I got 2 bars of peppermint aero, a Kelloggs Crunch Cranberry Bar, a free bottle of water, and I could have had Free Milk, but I hate milk, so sadly had to turn down the very generous offer from a store in Ealing Broadway that has a sign up saying Free Milk to Every Customer.

Was nice wine too, The Hubby and I had a day out in London, bit of shopping, lots of walking... was a great day

what would jesus do?

or indeed what would anyone do faced with this scenario?

Update

This is what is happening:

The Hubby is home for a whole week, and is in negotiation with Dublin, who really do want him to stay there forever. We have decided to let him stay there forever if they give us lots of money and Guinness and Jamesons and 4 leaf clovers to make us lucky and win £45 million on the Lottery.

Lovely Niece Sam has a new job (she is so clever and smart) Her old job begged and begged her to stay and the new job begged and begged her to start.....See? How wonderful is she? And beautiful too, and very tidy, which is nice.

It is The Gorgeous Son's Birthday today. Because he is such a sissy baby, we bought him electric gloves and waistcoat that heat up to 40 degrees. Awwww, but we love him and went to Dr Lauren's and had a birthday party and had cake and candles and all.

And Dr Lauren is still in Chelmsford and is making me have every new disease or ailment she learns about. I have never been so ill in my entire life. I really think she would be very happy if I developed a really rare disease. I did have sinus yesterday, but she was not so impressed with that.

The Hubby and I are going to look at properties while he is home, need to get out of the rental unit. He wants to live in a place called Pratt's Bottom. Amuses him no end. Maybe he should go back to Dublin.

Amiga Jane is coming to live in London...yay yay yay.. I am so happy.

Cape Town Weather

That is truly what we are having here...can you believe it? Not too cold, but KAK windy, I walked to the Odeon Cinema to buy tickets for 2012 for me and The Hubby and Darling Simon. My umbrella nearly blew inside out. (Still cannot get over the price of movies... £26!! ) travelled on like Scott of the Antarctic in the wind up to Sainsburys. I did , however , take the bus back, and as soon as I got home, of course it stopped raining.

Amongst the other boring usual stuff I had to buy, I bought 2 very cool things.

1)Ultimate outdoor reared pork chipolatas

2) Orange blossom and pomegranate ironing water.

Ironing water!! Can you believe it?? There also is Lychee and Jasmine ironing water.

I am soooo going to sprinkle my clothes!

And speaking of clothes.... Obviously it is time for me to get a job or a hobby or start writing again...or make a friend

This is what I can do

I can dress in a different colour every day.

I can do Green

Pink

Red

(today is red, I have a red camisole, red jersey, red stockings, red knickers , red scarf, and I do have a red coat but is not cold enough to wear it.)

I can also do Black

Orange

Brown

In Green and Blue, I can do shoes and underwear, so can be totally green and blue

I do need to wear black pants or a skirt to complete the other colour days. (doesn't count)

In blue, I also have blue contact lenses.

Red, like today, I have a red handbag (Radley, thank you Darling Simon) Otherwise have a brown leather handbag (from BA) BUT do have a GREEN shopping bag from Dublin, Orange bags from Sainsburys, Green from John Lewis Food Hall and Harrods...

Black umbrella, but also a tartan one.

Think I should just stop talking now.

Cape Town Weather

Centrally heated

Who would think to look behind the hanging shoe rack in the passageway cupboard for the timer/switch for the central heating? Looked there in desperation as I knew it had to be Somewhere. Of course the thing I was looking for did not resemble the one in the manual. Wrong manual, or just a bad drawing perhaps....We have a folder with all the manuals for the stuff in the rental. One of the manuals is for a Hydraulic Interface Unit. No idea what that is, or indeed where it is or what I would do if I found it.

We have manuals for the dishwasher, cooker (don't say stove or oven, nobody knows what you are talking about) kettle...and bizarrely one for the bath, doors and windows and kitchen table and chairs.

Anyway, I digress. Had to call the rental agent to come and show me how to work this thing. I had to get the little stepladder, take down the hanging shoe rack ( it is better to remove shoes first, it avoids the sudden weight of the hanger toppling you over onto a rental agent).

She didn't actually show me how to do it as there is only room for one person in the cupboard. I decided 2 hours in the morning 6 to 8 and then 4 to 6 in the evening. She set it.

Was fine Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday.This morning I woke late, was like a bloody blazing hot tropical island , the heaters were all still on, lying in a pool of sweat, had to go outside to cool off. It isn't actually cold enough to have the heating on yet.I only wanted to be SHOWN how to work it so that when it did get cold , I would know. 'oh no no no' says bossy agent 'Its very cold, I have mine on all day'

Went into cupboard pressed buttons until all the lights went off. Am waiting to see what happens at 4 o' clock.

also

You also can't say " This place looks like a Chinese laundry"

It does look like that, seeing as we cannot hang laundry outside. Takes bloody ages to dry. Tumble drier is kak.

This place looks like a Laundry.

I have up until now,living in the UK, not realised how racist I am.

Good for me to learn.

Dr Lauren approves

Online xmas shopping

This is even better! Look at stuff online, buy it, it arrives like magic the next day! Postman Pat , I think is getting a bit fed up of me and my online shopping. Just wait until tomorrow when he has to deliver the weights I bought for The Gorgeous Son (is his birthday)

You may mock...and yes, some have, but all my xmas shopping will be done before the mad rush starts. It is bad enough in Bond Street already, and seeing as I am not working and have fuck all nothing to do all day except clean and iron and shop...and yes, all the ironing is up to date. Not a thing in the house left to iron.

Today a parcel will arrive from www. iwantoneofthose.com , look at the website, it is amazing! I bought lots of stuff from them!

Spoke to MOTHER last night, she posted The Gorgeous Son's birthday card on the 10th, it arrived on the 11th. We Developing Countries People (you can't say third world, is politically incorrect) are amazed at the postal system here.

More xmas shopping

This is utterly amazing! You can literally buy anything in London...think of something...poof! A shop will have it. The shops have things you have never even dreamt of. I have bought the most amazing presents ever, sorry, can't tell you because the recipients read the blog. Apart from Great Aunt Faith (the voice of British Telekom) oh, probably Telecom in English.And Hubby Ray, I can tell you what I got for them. Ray is a Gardener Of Note.

They will receive a rose bush of a previously unnamed, unregistered varietal of rose, which Ray may then grow, if successful , he may name it , obviously after Dear Great Aunt Faith , it will be officially registered, documentation all supplied, and Great Aunt Faith will have roses named after her in a vase in her very own home.

How cool is that????

And , for £3.50 you can buy snow in a can!

Oh ...the photos....they were taken at FIVE 0' CLOCK. SEE??? Is bloody dark.

xmas is coming

Goodness me, Harrods is Fabulous at xmas time!

Went to look at properties that I obviously cannot afford, so spent the rest of the day in Harrods.

Cheered me up no end...looking at all the stuff I can't afford there either.

Have got the hang of dressing for winter...Dr Lauren was right, it's all about layers!Got home in the PITCH DARK at 5.30. The Gorgeous Son had washed all the floors and done the laundry. Pretty Impressive.

Am going to bed to read my new John Irving book.

Winter?

Hmm...is not cold. Chilly, yes, cold, no. Dark , yes. Raining, no . (rain stick still working A OK)

Went into town today to do a spot of xmas shopping to cheer me up after looking at properties I could or would never live in.

Not liking being the client. Much prefer being the agent.

Will have to go and live far far away from London so I can afford to buy something resembling a house rather than a dog kennel.

Nonetheless, London is all xmassy and happy....see pics of Carnaby Street.

Graveyard

Amazingly massive graveyard in BA, is where Evita is interred, it is like a city, massive mausoleums, mostly very grand, mostly very neglected, as per the really great photo I took.

Dark

I am HUNGRY. It is not even anywhere near supper time. Because it is KAK dark like midnight. Fabulous, at 7 o' clock I am going to eat and go to bed. This is very very odd and not normal. Not cold... I must say, it's not cold. This is a good thing seeing as none of us know how to work the heaters in the rental. The hubby has put me in charge of finding out how to do this. I will do it when and if I get cold. So far I am not cold. Luckily.

No Daylight

OK...Joke over.. what is this??? Why is it so dark? Where is the Day? What the fuck is this? I don't like it.

Daylight Saving

I do not understand this one bit. It is 5 o clock and it is dark. Where is the saving thing? It is dark in the morning as well. I do not get up that early, so how would I know if it is lighter at 6am? It isn't anyway? I don't like this at all. Is odd. Is dark. What is going on here?

I thought we were saving daylight? Where is it??

BA.. Is wonderful

I had such a good time.

This is what I learnt.

Amiga Jane has had move to countries where she has had to learn the language, where the shops are not in English, has had to deal with schools and children's issues..

So basically I am a sissy cry baby relocating to a first world country and daring to moan about it.

I also learnt that I have a terrible South Efrican accent , mainly because Amiga Jane mocked me about it for the entire time I was there. So I am going to stop saying kak and shame and genade and try to round out my vowels a bit.

London is now home.

I hate the stupid rental we are living in, so now I need to find us a house. A home. A bungalow (??)

I think the blog is almost over..just a few things left to say..........

Bien Buenos Aires

Oh no no no time to blog, but this is a FABULOUS place.

My Spanish is getting better.... better enough for me to read the words on my expensive dress I bought in bloody high street London, KAK expensive dress, has in gold writing a little phrase.

A little phrase that up until now I had not even noticed. With my new extensive knowledge of Spanish , I can now translate the phrase, the phrase written in gold embossed writing on my dress. It says "Estoy como esta cabra."

Translation

I AM LIKE A GOAT

I can now never wear this fecking dress again

Goat my ass

Shopping

Jumbo is the name of the Pick 'n Pay/ Sainsburys/Asda whatever.

(why? is not Spanish? No elephants here)

Different names, different food, different prices...kak cheap...jeez!

I have never seen such fabulous meat.

Amiga Jane's hubby made a fabulous meal, Lomo and Bifi de Chorizo, was the best meat I have had for years. Or maybe ever.

San Pedro de Yacacucho is the most wonderful wine on the planet. Officially. (Will take some home for The Hubby)

We ate by candlelight. Not for the romance, more for the power failure.

The market. Tegre, Porto de Frutus, fabulous stuff, leather, knives, good food,Toffee apples covered in popcorn (?). The weather was great and we had a wonderful time.

So much to tell... but too busy to blog!

Lunch at O' Farrells was fabulous.....see pic, yummy yummy

I had dinner at Miranda's with Wedding Mark and Pato (mi favorito de Argentina Amigos)....and got all the way there and back in a Remis with my ever improving Spanish. Amiga Jane's house number is Mil trescientos ochenta, wasn't too sure where the Barrio was, but as soon as I recognised the area, I said Circa! Circa!

Stupid driver got the idea eventually. Even though I could say whole fecking number of house, driver (woman ) could not read numbers. Cost me at least an extra 5 pesos . Less than 1 pee I think.

Carajo!

Hair by Xavier......................

Hair done, massages done...good for go...

Look out Buenos Aires, las chicas are in town!