midnight

This early dark thing is becoming a problem. It is 11 o'clock at night. I have already had a bath, had supper and been asleep for 3 hours. I am awake now. It is not morning.

I am really hoping there is something on TV .

How so cool xmas am I??

Harrods just called me. Hello... Harrods calling?

(8 o' clock at night?) Is Mrs Hewlett available just now?

Excuse me, Mrs Hewlett, sorry to trouble you, but your go- go hamsters are here..

(Me) Could you send them to South Africa? (Mrs Hewlett is quite impressed that Harrods is calling her)

We can have them delivered to you by tomorrow morning, would that be acceptable?

Well perhaps I could manage that... I have waited 3 weeks for this call...

And I get discount seeing as I have a Harrods card

If Eldest daughter Greta can get a bloody go go hamster at Eastgate for the grandchildren I am going to jump off Tower Bridge. I have been on every list in London for the bloody go go hamsters. Hamleys, Debenhams, House of Fraser, goddamn Selfridges...

Please please tell me that the go go hamsters actually are a thing in SA??

Would be a kak thing if i send the hamsters and they go...what is this??

And also may not get them to SA in time for xmas... am going to try................

xmas again

I am v excited about xmas and have already sent off the pressies to Eldest Child Greta (do NOT open before xmas) Even if they are such fab pressies...

Father Xmas is watching!!

xmas is coming

Seeing as I was 3 when I left the Uk, this will be my first ever cold xmas... it had bloody well better snow.

I am looking forward to xmas... in a way.. we are going to a cottage in Norwich and Dr Lauren is in charge and we are receiving spreadsheets to organise the xmas period...anyone who was involved in the wedding spreadsheets will feel my pain...

winter a coming

I have to admit it is getting a bit chill. I used to take a pashmina with me in case it got chilly.

ThenI stopped wearing flip flops.

Then I took a light jacket in case it got chilly.

Now I have to admit defeat.

I thought the Brits were sissy babies for wearing stockings (tights) and Jumpers (jerseys) and coats and scarves , when it was not actually cold. What they do is actually quite sensible. It may not be cold when you set out, but it WILL get colder. So you can either carry all the warm clothes, or wear them. They wear them. I have been carrying them , in a Waitrose bag. Not actually worn them.

BUT, this week, it has become a tad chilly. Today I walked to Sainsburys and it was cold. I wished I had brought my gloves.

So, sadly, it has become hat and glove and scarf weather.

All my clothes are wrong for the UK. I am going to have to go and buy winter stuff. Not heavy jerseys or anything like that, but I am short on long sleeved tops. So i need a camisole, a t shirt, a long sleeved t shirt and then a long sleeved button up blouse, and then any of my assortment of coats and jackets.

I have a black, mid length leather jacket

A red, very hot , but awfully stylish, melton coat.

A brown wool knitted jacket... Knee length ...( neither use nor ornament)

A beige (very ugly ) waterproof jacket, with stupid hood that blows off in wind, ( bought in Cape Town, good for nothing)

A Tesco's very nice stylish but impractical light jacket which is not waterproof

A pistatio green leather jacket bought in Buenos Aires that is very pretty and serves no purpose whatsoever.

Not a clue actually.

Am probably going to freeze my ass off.

Harrods

Ha ha ! How cool am I?

People with a taste for...Spur?

For a start, everyone knows where it is . (there is only one in the UK)

You know what you're getting before you go in...no hang on, sorry, that's Holiday Inn.

Still and all, there is something familiar about it , made even better when someone calls you and says " See you at the Spur"

Which is exactly what My London Friend Mr Worrell Esq. did . Quite made my whole week.

Mr Worrell Esq, having been here for much much longer than me, is an expert in EVERYTHING English.

I really must avail myself of his help more often. I would have saved myself time and irritation if I had asked him what the English was for tin foil , ear buds and baby oil.

South African English has drifted quite far off the original!

Estate Agent

Try to imagine this scene.

First of all, The Hubby and I had to squish and squeeze and actually limbo into a car with 2 doors and no back seat. The CD goes on... (loud).

Stupid Person says 'I am just lovin' Michael Jackson right now' as that stupid whiny 'what about leeeeerrrve' song plays. Is not turned down.

I said 'Better late than never' but was probably not heard over the whiny music or remark flew over the head of Stupid Person.

No, we had not been kidnapped. We had not won a prize and were being taken to a mystery destination by the only person they could find to drive us there.

No.

This Stupid Person is

An ESTATE AGENT.

This is just the kind of person that gives the general public the idea that we are all fucking idiots.

Did not kill her.

No weapon, for a start, and The Hubby would have been a witness.

Am beginning to despair about ever buying a house.

Or a Bungalow. That has got to be the most stupid word ever. I refuse to say it. I do not allow anyone in the family to say it to me. I do not say it to the agents.

I hate the agents here,they are absolutely abysmal.

I would like to exclude the Felicity J Lord company. In future, they are the only ones I am going to deal with.

Doc Martens

The Hubby decided to buy shoes, so off we went to Covent garden to get Doc's. The Hubby loves that the shoes have a lifetime guarantee. For £100 a pair they bloody well should have. Is a fabulous shop.There were too many people and too few (dof) staff so they locked the doors to keep the people out. Was funny. People peering through the window, staff running up and down the stairs.But, success, The Hubby has a black pair and a brown pair. All sorted now, as they say here.

O2

Michael McIntyre is really funny. We enjoyed the show, had a good meal at Spur (well, a good meal EXPERIENCE) , all the family was there , and also Best man Gareth who is Welsh and lovely and very very handsome.

I was impressed with the O2. Is big. We got tickets at the last minute so Micheal McIntyre was a teeny teeny person on the stage far far below. Thank goodness for the big screen TV's.

Celebs

Problem is, I don't know who they are. So, all the programmes that anyone watches, like 'I am a Celebrity , get me out of here'...(big deal at the mo, everyone talking about it) and 'Strictly come dancing' (known as strictly) ... nope! means nothing to me. No idea who these people are. Do not watch soaps. The only person on I'm a celeb (they don't call it that but cannot type the whole thing again) I know is Kim from 'How Clean is your House'. They call her Kimnaggy which is quite funny.

So! How can they be celebs if I don't know them?

I am getting to know comedians though. I listen to the podcasts of 8 out of 10 cats, Mock the week, QI en so voort.

You can learn a lot about the society in which you are living by listening to the comedians.

Speaking of which we are going to the 02 tonight for The Gorgeous Son's Birthday Treat to eat at the Spur and see Michael MacIntyre. (comedian...very funny) This will be my first time in the 02 arena , am very excited, will take pictures. Lovely niece Sam and Darling Simon and Dr Lauren are also coming.

Heating

Pressed all the buttons, have either disabled or broken it. Is too hot for heating. Have sliding door open, windows open, wearing T shirt and no shoes (of course)

Is middle of November in the UK. Either is unseasonably warm, or all poms are sissy babies which is my preferred theory.

Day out pics......

Always something to see

Sunny Sunday

This is the 02 as it looked at 11am this morning. On the way home, was absolute hell as Beyonce is performing there...all stupid people who do not live in London and do not know how to use escalators, or even pavements... wandering all over the place looking at the pretty lights and thus walking into people like me who are trying to get home.

Sunday Xmas shops

Inside Harrods.....it's magic! The theme in Harrods is The wizard of Oz, hence the Ruby Slippers, you can buy them in any size from baby ones to size whatever!

Free Wine

How's this for a deal? I love the free stuff you get here! Last week I got 2 bars of peppermint aero, a Kelloggs Crunch Cranberry Bar, a free bottle of water, and I could have had Free Milk, but I hate milk, so sadly had to turn down the very generous offer from a store in Ealing Broadway that has a sign up saying Free Milk to Every Customer.

Was nice wine too, The Hubby and I had a day out in London, bit of shopping, lots of walking... was a great day

what would jesus do?

or indeed what would anyone do faced with this scenario?

Update

This is what is happening:

The Hubby is home for a whole week, and is in negotiation with Dublin, who really do want him to stay there forever. We have decided to let him stay there forever if they give us lots of money and Guinness and Jamesons and 4 leaf clovers to make us lucky and win £45 million on the Lottery.

Lovely Niece Sam has a new job (she is so clever and smart) Her old job begged and begged her to stay and the new job begged and begged her to start.....See? How wonderful is she? And beautiful too, and very tidy, which is nice.

It is The Gorgeous Son's Birthday today. Because he is such a sissy baby, we bought him electric gloves and waistcoat that heat up to 40 degrees. Awwww, but we love him and went to Dr Lauren's and had a birthday party and had cake and candles and all.

And Dr Lauren is still in Chelmsford and is making me have every new disease or ailment she learns about. I have never been so ill in my entire life. I really think she would be very happy if I developed a really rare disease. I did have sinus yesterday, but she was not so impressed with that.

The Hubby and I are going to look at properties while he is home, need to get out of the rental unit. He wants to live in a place called Pratt's Bottom. Amuses him no end. Maybe he should go back to Dublin.

Amiga Jane is coming to live in London...yay yay yay.. I am so happy.

Cape Town Weather

That is truly what we are having here...can you believe it? Not too cold, but KAK windy, I walked to the Odeon Cinema to buy tickets for 2012 for me and The Hubby and Darling Simon. My umbrella nearly blew inside out. (Still cannot get over the price of movies... £26!! ) travelled on like Scott of the Antarctic in the wind up to Sainsburys. I did , however , take the bus back, and as soon as I got home, of course it stopped raining.

Amongst the other boring usual stuff I had to buy, I bought 2 very cool things.

1)Ultimate outdoor reared pork chipolatas

2) Orange blossom and pomegranate ironing water.

Ironing water!! Can you believe it?? There also is Lychee and Jasmine ironing water.

I am soooo going to sprinkle my clothes!

And speaking of clothes.... Obviously it is time for me to get a job or a hobby or start writing again...or make a friend

This is what I can do

I can dress in a different colour every day.

I can do Green

Pink

Red

(today is red, I have a red camisole, red jersey, red stockings, red knickers , red scarf, and I do have a red coat but is not cold enough to wear it.)

I can also do Black

Orange

Brown

In Green and Blue, I can do shoes and underwear, so can be totally green and blue

I do need to wear black pants or a skirt to complete the other colour days. (doesn't count)

In blue, I also have blue contact lenses.

Red, like today, I have a red handbag (Radley, thank you Darling Simon) Otherwise have a brown leather handbag (from BA) BUT do have a GREEN shopping bag from Dublin, Orange bags from Sainsburys, Green from John Lewis Food Hall and Harrods...

Black umbrella, but also a tartan one.

Think I should just stop talking now.

Cape Town Weather

Centrally heated

Who would think to look behind the hanging shoe rack in the passageway cupboard for the timer/switch for the central heating? Looked there in desperation as I knew it had to be Somewhere. Of course the thing I was looking for did not resemble the one in the manual. Wrong manual, or just a bad drawing perhaps....We have a folder with all the manuals for the stuff in the rental. One of the manuals is for a Hydraulic Interface Unit. No idea what that is, or indeed where it is or what I would do if I found it.

We have manuals for the dishwasher, cooker (don't say stove or oven, nobody knows what you are talking about) kettle...and bizarrely one for the bath, doors and windows and kitchen table and chairs.

Anyway, I digress. Had to call the rental agent to come and show me how to work this thing. I had to get the little stepladder, take down the hanging shoe rack ( it is better to remove shoes first, it avoids the sudden weight of the hanger toppling you over onto a rental agent).

She didn't actually show me how to do it as there is only room for one person in the cupboard. I decided 2 hours in the morning 6 to 8 and then 4 to 6 in the evening. She set it.

Was fine Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday.This morning I woke late, was like a bloody blazing hot tropical island , the heaters were all still on, lying in a pool of sweat, had to go outside to cool off. It isn't actually cold enough to have the heating on yet.I only wanted to be SHOWN how to work it so that when it did get cold , I would know. 'oh no no no' says bossy agent 'Its very cold, I have mine on all day'

Went into cupboard pressed buttons until all the lights went off. Am waiting to see what happens at 4 o' clock.

also

You also can't say " This place looks like a Chinese laundry"

It does look like that, seeing as we cannot hang laundry outside. Takes bloody ages to dry. Tumble drier is kak.

This place looks like a Laundry.

I have up until now,living in the UK, not realised how racist I am.

Good for me to learn.

Dr Lauren approves

Online xmas shopping

This is even better! Look at stuff online, buy it, it arrives like magic the next day! Postman Pat , I think is getting a bit fed up of me and my online shopping. Just wait until tomorrow when he has to deliver the weights I bought for The Gorgeous Son (is his birthday)

You may mock...and yes, some have, but all my xmas shopping will be done before the mad rush starts. It is bad enough in Bond Street already, and seeing as I am not working and have fuck all nothing to do all day except clean and iron and shop...and yes, all the ironing is up to date. Not a thing in the house left to iron.

Today a parcel will arrive from www. iwantoneofthose.com , look at the website, it is amazing! I bought lots of stuff from them!

Spoke to MOTHER last night, she posted The Gorgeous Son's birthday card on the 10th, it arrived on the 11th. We Developing Countries People (you can't say third world, is politically incorrect) are amazed at the postal system here.

More xmas shopping

This is utterly amazing! You can literally buy anything in London...think of something...poof! A shop will have it. The shops have things you have never even dreamt of. I have bought the most amazing presents ever, sorry, can't tell you because the recipients read the blog. Apart from Great Aunt Faith (the voice of British Telekom) oh, probably Telecom in English.And Hubby Ray, I can tell you what I got for them. Ray is a Gardener Of Note.

They will receive a rose bush of a previously unnamed, unregistered varietal of rose, which Ray may then grow, if successful , he may name it , obviously after Dear Great Aunt Faith , it will be officially registered, documentation all supplied, and Great Aunt Faith will have roses named after her in a vase in her very own home.

How cool is that????

And , for £3.50 you can buy snow in a can!

Oh ...the photos....they were taken at FIVE 0' CLOCK. SEE??? Is bloody dark.

xmas is coming

Goodness me, Harrods is Fabulous at xmas time!

Went to look at properties that I obviously cannot afford, so spent the rest of the day in Harrods.

Cheered me up no end...looking at all the stuff I can't afford there either.

Have got the hang of dressing for winter...Dr Lauren was right, it's all about layers!Got home in the PITCH DARK at 5.30. The Gorgeous Son had washed all the floors and done the laundry. Pretty Impressive.

Am going to bed to read my new John Irving book.

Winter?

Hmm...is not cold. Chilly, yes, cold, no. Dark , yes. Raining, no . (rain stick still working A OK)

Went into town today to do a spot of xmas shopping to cheer me up after looking at properties I could or would never live in.

Not liking being the client. Much prefer being the agent.

Will have to go and live far far away from London so I can afford to buy something resembling a house rather than a dog kennel.

Nonetheless, London is all xmassy and happy....see pics of Carnaby Street.

Graveyard

Amazingly massive graveyard in BA, is where Evita is interred, it is like a city, massive mausoleums, mostly very grand, mostly very neglected, as per the really great photo I took.

Dark

I am HUNGRY. It is not even anywhere near supper time. Because it is KAK dark like midnight. Fabulous, at 7 o' clock I am going to eat and go to bed. This is very very odd and not normal. Not cold... I must say, it's not cold. This is a good thing seeing as none of us know how to work the heaters in the rental. The hubby has put me in charge of finding out how to do this. I will do it when and if I get cold. So far I am not cold. Luckily.

No Daylight

OK...Joke over.. what is this??? Why is it so dark? Where is the Day? What the fuck is this? I don't like it.

Daylight Saving

I do not understand this one bit. It is 5 o clock and it is dark. Where is the saving thing? It is dark in the morning as well. I do not get up that early, so how would I know if it is lighter at 6am? It isn't anyway? I don't like this at all. Is odd. Is dark. What is going on here?

I thought we were saving daylight? Where is it??

BA.. Is wonderful

I had such a good time.

This is what I learnt.

Amiga Jane has had move to countries where she has had to learn the language, where the shops are not in English, has had to deal with schools and children's issues..

So basically I am a sissy cry baby relocating to a first world country and daring to moan about it.

I also learnt that I have a terrible South Efrican accent , mainly because Amiga Jane mocked me about it for the entire time I was there. So I am going to stop saying kak and shame and genade and try to round out my vowels a bit.

London is now home.

I hate the stupid rental we are living in, so now I need to find us a house. A home. A bungalow (??)

I think the blog is almost over..just a few things left to say..........