Squirrel Update for Tiffany

For my Birthday. MOTHER bought me a squirrel (not a real one )
He is now placed on the Squirrel feeding table, as the squirrels wait patiently at the feeding table now.

When I say squirrels...sadly to report, Hoppy is nowhere to be seen. Since the large walnut tree has sprouted  nuts, he has been nowhere near the table. Just wait till winter you ungrateful little shit.

The walnut tree is full of squirrels, but , only dear ,dear little Meisie still comes for her food. She always stands with one little paw over her heart. She hardly ever eats the nuts I put out, just takes them and buries them for winter. Not like the rest of them, scoffing all the walnuts without a thought to the future.
I put out bread and sunflower seeds for her as well, so that at least she eats something.
She has made friends with the squirrel statue. Bless her.

Jamie Oliver

Actually , my birthday is the 26th, but it was such a day...no time to blog!
Fabulous lunch at Amiga Jane in Weybridge, with flowers and pressies and wine . I am so so happy she is in London!
More flowers, more pressies.....tickets for Swan Lake
Out to supper at Canary Wharf, at Jamie Olivers restaurant.
It really is a great place, good ambience, decor, service...and the food was remarkable.

The family was too embarrassed by me to allow photos of all the food, but these were the olives for the table...sure set the level of things to come.

Happy Birthday to me!

This is unbelievably my third birthday in England.

First surprise of the day (after breakfast in bed from The Hubby), was this van parked in our street! Aaargh!
I am afraid that he has set some traps, but did not come and ask me if he could set one in our garden

Lucky for him.                                                                                                                                   

Pom help needed

Yes! After an entire year of living in Cottage Grove, we have finally cracked the nod and been invited to a BBQ.
Across the road lives Man With Broken Ankle. He broke his ankle about  2 months after me, and we have been chatting on and off since. Today, after our chat about ankles and our comparison of scars, he invited me to a BBQ.

Problem is , I have forgotten his name. No big deal...I think he has forgotten mine as well.
 I have primed The Hubby, when we go to the BBQ, I will say "This is The Hubby" and then The Hubby will say" Paul" and in theory, Broken Ankle Man will say his name.
This is not my issue.

My issue is that a BBQ is not a braai. At Pom BBQ's,they cook sausages and burgers. So, do we be big show off  Saffas and arrive with steak and ribs, or do we go the Pom route and go with sausages? What if they don't do sausages and then we look like Chavs? What if they all do steaks and then we are stuck with eating crap sausages and burgers.
Perhaps we should go to the Saffa shop and get wors and ribs? Do I take a salad? A dessert? Flowers?

I think I will go over the road and throw myself on the mercy of Broken Ankle Man's wife (whose name I also don't know) and ask her about BBQ etiquette.Would that be a weird thing to do?
What if Broken Ankle Man told his wife that he invited us and she said something like "Oh bloody hell no, they are foreigners?"
What if  they see us as bad neighbours like Nigel The Wanker who feeds the pigeons and is under suspicion of keying a car? Or Marion the Dutch Lady who hates everyone in the street? Or the rest of the neighbours who are 90 in the shade and keep dying?
How do I approach my very first social engagement ever in the UK? With Poms ? Obviously, I have had many social occasions with ex Saffas. Totally different.
Bloody hell...how hard can this be??
HELP!

International Housework Appreciation Day

This should be a new public holiday

It will be the only day in the year when you buy a household appliance as a gift for your wife.
The holiday shall apply to husbands/partners, and children over 18 still living at home.
There will be flowers and cards given.

I have some verse ideas for the cards.

Domestic Goddess, this is for you
For all of the wonderful things that you do
Like changing the sheets and cleaning the loo
'Cos I never do it when I have a poo.
                           **
Spare toilet roll always waiting for me
Toilet is wiped after I do a wee
No dust is visible on my TV
Beer in the fridge and  cake with my tea

                              **

Undies are always tucked in my drawer
Socks have been moved from the sitting room floor
Finger prints wiped from the walls and the door
Domestic Goddess, could I ask for more?

                                **

A clean shirt awaits me for each working day
New shoelaces ready for when older ones fray
House always scented with some kind of spray
All of my messes just magicked away

                           **

The duvet is straightened with one simple tuck
The carpets are cleaned with a powerful suck
Sometimes I simply can't believe my luck
I'm sorry that I am an ungrateful fuck

                           **


Should I go on? Because I can go on forever.....

Home Sweet Home

Back in England again..goodness, Scotland is very different!
People do speak to you there, here, as you know, if you speak to anyone, they think you are mad, and ignore you.

Strangely, I like (or have got used to) the fact that nobody speaks to anybody. It's fine, and quite practical. And timesaving.

I can see the allure of retiring to a village somewhere, and settling in to a small community where everyone chats .
That, nonetheless, is a while away. But I think it will be nice at some stage..

For now, The Hubby and I are enjoying London for as long as it lasts.

Real Scottish Men

 Lordy Lordy!
Must be a hormonal thing.....I  love men in kilts!

See?Wee?

Wee everything..I love it!
MOTHER has already said it is getting on her nerves that I say wee all the time.
I don't care.
It's just delightful.
I Love Scotland.
Have no idea why they moan about the weather, has been lovely!


(says 'Wee Yellow shop , just in case you can't read it)

Scotland The Brave

So far I am loving Scotland.
It has only rained a teeny wee bit today.
I have seen my  cousins again.
Cousin Katy was the most lovely child, and now she is all grown up with lovely girls of her own.
We spend all our time with grown ups, so I loved a few hours with Wee Carrie. (laatlammetjie)

We  have tried local delicacies (see pic)

The bus! Lordy! Amazing! Driver Pat pays no attention to bus stops...we just stopped willy nilly to pick people up on the street, everyone has a wee chat (we say wee a lot in Scotland), it is absolutely delightful.We were dropped off right outside our destination, not an actual bus stop, but easier for the old folk..bless Driver Pat!

 We had a wee walk to the corner store, and EVERYONE we passed said hello!
After London, this is charming.

The weather was so good that even MOTHER had no real cause for complaint.(for a change)
MOTHER lives here in Scotland in case anyone was wondering.

Tomorrow we are off to Glasgow to see the Piper Band Competition Finals.
I LOVE men in kilts! the only reason The Hubby is coming with is because I told him girls wear kilts as well also with no underwear.
I lied of course, but it will be too late by the time we get there.

The Theory of Life

I do understand that all  life can be explained mathematically. I understand the Chaos Theory. (Dr Lauren explained it to me when she was in Std 4 and did an expo project on it) I know about The Butterfly Effect. I understand all this in a vague way. I know about The Wisdom of Crowds.
 The Hubby is watching a programme called The Code. It is very good, and I was watching it as well. Unfortunately, if something jars, I lose all my focus. As The Hubby sagely nods and speaks the theorems even before the commentator has chance to write them down, I lost it when they were talking about Rock Paper Scissors, when I started to wonder why they didn't call it Ching Chong Cha, which is its REAL name.And when they showed people playing it NOT PUTTING THEIR HANDS BEHIND THEIR BACKS, it was all over for me.


This is why people believe in god.. It's easier to understand than maths.

London Burning...

This is what I love about London, a veritable army of people armed with brooms in a massive clean up operation.
CCTV pics posted on facebook, communities standing guard along with the police, and our lovely Mayor Boris, out there with a broom as well.

These are not poor disadvantaged yobs, no! They all have blackberrys for god's sake. These are greedy thieves, grasping the opportunity to get new trainers and TV's.

The police have it in hand now, respect to them. It can't be easy facing a mob unarmed.

The Saffa's , of course are saying "Riot? Call this a riot? No burning tyres, no AK47's, no sticks and pangas..."
I feel desperately sorry for the poor shopowners. The bigger shops like Sainsbury's etc, are handing out coffee and snacks to the people cleaning up. The small independent businesses have lost everything.

This , too will end. And a harder line will be taken in future.

Richard III

 Fabulous and amazing to see Richard III at the Old Vic. (Thank you Darling Simon and Dr Lauren)

My English teacher (RIP Dee, wish I'd listened more)  would have been horrified at my ignorance of Richard III.
Basically, this is what I know....

"Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by this son of York..."
....Plantagenets.... nephews in the tower... Duke of Clarence.... Edward IV... Roan Atkinson holding up a head in Blackadder and saying "Oh God Richard III",and  "A horse, A horse, my kingdom for a horse."
There is a lot more to it than that actually, but really, truly, you could get by on my version.
Kevin Spacey was magnificent though.

 Same day, Tracy Emin, are we Culture Vultures or what!
Had Dim Sum in China Town as well , was awesome. I love London.
Walked across the bridge at Waterloo, train home...absolutely knackered.

Back to reality this am Monday seeing as we have been out all weekend and the wee house looks like a bomb has hit it.

£'s and R's

When I first arrived here, I translated everything from £'s to R's and was often horrified, and sometimes impressed.
To survive, I had to stop doing it or I would never have bought anything or gone anywhere.
All of a sudden, for no real reason, I am converting back to Rands again.

This  it is because I suddenly realised  I am thinking of £1 as R1. So £5 , £10 , no longer seems like a lot of money at all.
I think this is a Bad Thing. But, to be fair, I no longer know what the prices in SA are like.

For example, the latest BOGOF was 2 fridge packs of coke cans for £6. This struck me as a real bargain.Then I thought R60? for 20 cans of coke?
 I bought 2x shower gel, shampoo, 3 pack of chewing gum, bath oil , for £5. I don't know whether this is cheap, either in £'s or R's!

What I do know, is £87 for my hair to be coloured in the salon is KAK expensive in any currency. I nearly had heart failure.
AND she blow dried it all poofy so I looked like someone transported from the '80's.

Weather Report

Amazing how useful these weather reports have been. I can look back at the previous 2 years to see what it was like...this year the summer has not been as consistently warm as last year's, but Phew! It has been hot these last few days.
Last night The Hubby and I had a cold shower at 11 o clock at night because it was just too hot to go to sleep.
Windows wide open, fan on....The Hubby was still  moaning, I told him I don't want to hear one word of complaint come winter if he is daring to say that it is too hot now!
I spent Monday in the garden, it takes me 2 hours to trim, clip, dig and clear up the WHOLE garden! Very satisfying! The Landlord loves me, as he does the garden (it's part of our rental contract) so when he came today he just had to mow the lawn and trim the edges.
Oh my god what a kak boring blog entry...............

Speakers Corner

This is hilarious. I wish I had videoed  it.
Gotta love the Poms.

"Here is a corner. You may come here and say whatever you like. Just here. Nowhere else. Nobody will arrest you. Be as mad as you like."

And they are.

I kid you not, it was EXACTLY like the Monty Python, Life of Brian, when he falls into the market place and has to talk along with all the others...remember? The gourd and the sandal?
It is JUST like that!
About 6 religious loonies, all shouting the odds, it was hilarious. There was one guy who was kissing everyone's feet.
Mad as hatters!
 I laughed and laughed. I am truly considering learning the Life of Brian thing off by heart and going to Speakers Corner with my stepladder.

Pom Supermarkets

A Very Interesting Thing.

When you are in the queue (as opposed to the self service thing, which is great), there is a major etiquette going on.

First of all, you absolutely HAVE to put the divider between your shopping and the person behind you. It is a BIG DEAL if you don't. They get annoyed and tut, and reach around you to get the divider. I have it now. It's the first thing I do.Nothing worse than being in a queue for 5 minutes when the person behind you is cross because you didn't put the divider in.

The till people do not acknowledge you AT ALL until the person before you has packed their shopping into their bags, paid and left. It is as though you are invisible. When all is done, they look at you as though you have suddenly appeared from nowhere, and say " Good Morning! "
This happens in every single supermarket.

The till people have to do this, I realise, because there are so many questions they need to ask each shopper.
Here is the list of what they say.

1) Hello. How ARE  you?
2) Do you have your own bags?
3) Do you need any help packing?
4) Do you have a Nectar/Tesco/club points card/vouchers?
5) How many of your own bags have you used? (you get points for this)
6)Do you need help taking your parcels to your car?
7) Do you need your parking ticket validated?
8) Have a nice day.

I feel so loved.

Money laundering

In case you can't read his jacket, it says "ATM Sanitising in Progress"
I wondered why the ATM's were always so clean!
Isn't it great?
Did everyone except me know that this is how it works?