One more traffic observation

Pretty cool huh?
For Saffas anyway, it seems like magic!

Traffic observations

It amuses me no end that when big trucks (delivery, dustbin etc) reverse, they say "This truck is reversing! This truck is reversing!"
It's hilarious.

Most, if not all the cars on the road here are  new, apart from the beautifully restored vintage cars..
I guess this is a result of an annual MOT (roadworthy, for the Saffas)
Because of this, a VW beetle is a very rare car indeed. When we see one, we all go mad .
"Punch buggy! Punch Buggy!"
In our enthusiasm and excitement we tend to hit quite hard, and more than once.
Very childish , I know.
In fact, even if we see one on TV or in a magazine, same thing applies.
Is this just a Saffa thing?
Have not seen anyone else here do it, and we do get some strange looks.

I still have not driven a car since we got here. When we go on holiday to Cornwall, The Hubby says I may drive.
We are taking the overnight train, and then hiring a car.
Must start practicing to say ' roundabout' and not 'circle' and of course 'traffic light' and not 'robot'
Also 20m is miles, not meters, so foot off the brake.
And  going to 80 on the speedometer will get me arrested.
And watch out for this sign. (cracks me up!)

Summer 'n Pimms

It sure is all or nothing here...I am ashamed to say it is now too hot for me.
Because it is so hot, Wimbledon is definitely oversubscribed today, and it is way too hot to stand in a queue for many hours.
The Hubby and I have decided to stay at home, drink Pimms, and  watch the tennis on the big screen HD TV.
We have the fan on, and all the windows and doors open.
It has cooled down a bit, and is now 28C.
Remember, that is in the shade, sure was way more than that when I was hanging out the washing.

Just as a matter of interest for the Saffas,
Pimms (1 L  bottle,)     £13
Lemonade, 2l                56p
Strawberries 400g         £2
Cucumber                      40p
Orange                          30p

Big bag of ice                 £1

And I didn't have a jug, so the jug in the photo cost £10.

Global Smurfs Day

Who knew?

So I went to the O2 to see the Guinness World Record Attempt, it was such fun to see all those Smurfs!

As you can see, even Smurfs have to eat!

A sign...

Haven't had a sign for a while! This one is at Somerset House. It is a drop from the balustrade, but it certainly wouldn't kill you.
I went to Somerset House to see the Ai Wei Wei sculptures.

Parking

A parking space was sold in Kensington for £200 000.
+/- 30 sq m, and it costs £710 a year for the rates.
Can you believe that?
Parking In London certainly is an issue.
At our place, we have to have Visitor's parking permits for our guests. One book of tickets costs £10, 10 tickets in a book. Should a visitor be there all day and staying over, you use 3 tickets per day, morning, afternoon and evening. We are limited to 10 books year.
 If we had a car, we would have to get Residents's parking tickets.
This is what happens when you squish 10 million people into one town.

Did actually stop raining....

oooh la la!

Eventually we got to see 4 games...Lucic's coach was really annoying, I am sure they are not allowed to coach from the sidelines....even she was getting annoyed with him. Goodness, she has a temper! Lovely Niece Sam was getting quite scared...

Wimbledon 2011

Amazing...queue for 2 hours, get rained on, get cold..have ankle suffer dreadfully after standing for hours, and be so so very happy!
Fabulous day!
I love Wimbledon.
Last year I didn't queue at all, and it was 30 degrees.
So, notes for next year if it is rainy.

Take a jersey
Take a decent umbrella not a crap one that you paid 99p for.
Don't wear flip flops.
Take a flask of coffee so you don't pay £3 for 2 instant coffees in styrofoam cups.
Eat breakfast before you go so you don't have to pay £7.50 for veg noodles. (they were very nice though)

Aw...actually, don't be so snoep, just pay the bloody price!

I think I will brave the queues and go again next week!

Sissy Baby Pom Legs

 Hand, for some reason is still tanned, as is arm...Legs! Milk Bottles comes to mind

Green is more of a colour than my legs!
Can you BELIEVE it?!

Shopping and Lunching in High Street Kensington

 Blue eggs? Who Knew? This is the Whole Food Store in Kensington High Street.
What a choice of eggs!
Luckily I didn't buy any, as shortly after this I saw Nick from My Family, was so excited , I would have dropped the eggs, blue or not.
Don't they look fabulous though?

I did buy some stuff from Marks and Spencer...yes, I know, boring...but affordable.
20% off on all linen clothes.
I may live to regret this seeing as I am going to have to iron them...

Hard to resist though, 1 pair black linen pants (trousers to Poms) 1 pair (lime ) green linen capri pants, 1 very nice long black summer skirt, and also nice black blouse, £60.
Not bad, I thought.
R600, so R150 per item. Cheap as Chips! (as they say here)



Maybe this is just me, unaccustomed as I am to shopping,but this is an escalator, with a parallel escalator for your trolley. Gotta love London!

More Wimbledon

Luckily, I was watching Wimbledon, so that when it started raining there,I could dash outside and take my duvet cover off the line. I may have not known it was raining otherwise.
So, very exciting, first time they actually get to put the million billion £ cover over Centre Court. Takes about 25 mins to  deploy this thing. Hence the time to blog.
 I am quite excited to see the cover !

Have been watching Dovic and  Schiavone, good tennis, is it just me, is it cold?
  Do I have to watch the entire match looking at erect nipples? This is something I have not noticed before. 
Believe me, if Martina had played an entire match with erect nipples, I would have noticed.


What is this?
It is quite putting me off the tennis.
Are they taking steroids? This is not normal.

Wimbledon

V. V. exciting, Wimbledon starts today.
I would just like to comment  that this time last year, and indeed the year before, the weather was fabulous. (see previous blogs)
Now, it is crap.
Not so terribly crap that it is freezing cold, but  18 degrees as opposed to high 20's. And even in the 30's last year.
And rain
Bloody hell is it raining.
So, the plan is, Lovely Niece Sam and I are going to Wimbledon on Wednesday. If we have to sit watching the tennis under an umbrella, so be it. I spent how many years watching Wimbledon in SA under a blanket with the heater on. Sure I can manage a wee bit of rain.
The Gorgeous Son has offered to give us each a PONCHO from his company.
I think I would rather drown than be on TV wearing a  rain poncho.
I will be elegantly soaked to the skin.
Poncho my ass.

Neighbours

I have just had a conversation with my neighbours, you may not realise what a momentous occasion this is, but NOBODY speaks to ANYBODY in London. Not on the tube, not in the train, not in the shops, I can go an entire day without speaking to a soul.
This was pathetically illustrated last week when I had a scratchy and slighty sore throat, but did not realise  I had lost my voice until I spoke to The Gorgeous Son on the phone at about 5 o' clock.
Anyway, back to the neighbours, this is Dave The Cat From Next Door's Dad. We had a conversation through the slats in the fence about Dave, Wimbledon, Foxes and the Weather.
Amazing.
On a similar topic, when I was schlepping MOTHER around the tube, for the first time in two years, somebody carried my (MOTHER'S) suitcase up the million billion stairs at London Bridge.
Sure he must have been from out of town.

Dave The Cat From Next Door

I don't think his mummy lets him watch TV at home....

Names

I am NOT calling my bird Nipple, Busty, Triumph, Double D or any such tit related names.
So, thank you blogger readers..very funny!

I am going to call him Charlie.

Tess will know why!

The sweetest thing!

My little wildlife menagerie grows!

I now have the dearest little Blue Tit
 (I know that is an odd sentence, but that is what kind of bird it is, not my fault)
Ah bless, he is lovely.
A bit challenged I think, as he flies into bushes and  gets into a big panic and cheeps and cheeps, then emerges looking bedraggled and a bit confused.
I am going to buy some seed for him today as he has been here for 3 days in a row and all I have to feed him is muesli.
He is quite happy to let me sit and watch him and doesn't fly away. Any suggestions for names are welcome, NOT Bluey. Try to be inventive.

Fox?

No  idea why there is a 40ft+ statue of a fox on the South Bank, but I like it!. I think it is a message to me, saying   " Feed the foxes..Feed the foxes" Do you think?  Maybe not.

Taxi!

 The funniest thing here is that these taxis are not stationary, admittedly, they are cruising slowly, but cruising nonetheless, around Waterloo station. I took pics of 2 taxis, but ALL of them were reading the paper!
A couple of them were doing the Soduko.

Gotta love it!

Assisted dying

I do firmly believe that this should be available on the NHS as soon as possible. Why should we have to travel to Europe? Can't we die in our own bloody country? If we want to?


In theory, I think it is a good idea. This is the way I want to go. If I have the choice.

In practice...I bawled my eyes out at the Terry Pratchett programme recently shown on BBC.
Is one thing to want to do it...is totally another to see it done. Was alarming, and scary and clinical...
One of the very worst moments of my life was when we had to have our Jack Russel, Jacqui put down. This is exactly the same.
EXACTLY the same.

We say quite blithely, "We do it for our animals, why shouldn't humans do it as well?"

I think BECAUSE  it is exactly the same.
Dead is dead.

Animal or human.
Scary stuff.

Embarrassing TV Programmes

The Poms simply do not care what they show on TV. Compared to SA, it is both amusing and alarming.

After 9pm (the Watershed) it is all systems go.
For example, they say the C word, willy nilly. I was shocked out of my socks.

There is a programme called 'Embarrassing Bodies' which is bad enough, but 'Embarrassing Fat Bodies' is just the giddy limit.
Personally, I  LOVE Embarrassing Fat Bodies as it makes me feel really thin.
The Hubby will NEVER watch this programme ever again , as he saw a vaginal prolapse in great graphic detail and basically, that was it for him.
I find it fascinating. Still, am not going to force him to watch it with me in case we never ever have sex again.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/embarrassing-fat-bodies/4od#3198164

I know that the Saffas have a problem with band width, but truly, if you don't have this issue...watch !

One guy lost 20 stone. Even though I have a very vague idea of what a stone is, I know that I weigh less than 20 stone myself, and I am not exactly a wee fairy. I think 20 stone is possibly almost twice me.
Lordy!

I am somewhat alarmed by watching someone on TV ...you know what? Even I cannot say this!
Suffice to say I know more about rectums than I ever needed to know.
Am glad I am not Dr Lauren.

Just need to add that I watch this programme while I am ironing. Otherwise I would never watch such crap.

Hee hee.

The Royal Family

In South Africa, we did get rather limited coverage of the Royals, mainly confined to births, marriages and deaths,with a bit of fashion and scandal thrown in.
Here, they are part of our lives, a daily occurance, and for me, they have morphed from the caricatures that they appeared to be, and become 'filled out' as it were.
I have always, and still do, find it odd that the entire nation pays for one family, due to the circumstances of their birth, to live in a palace and in the lap of luxury.
But, I now feel a tremendous loyalty to the Queen, to the position rather than the person, and yes, I would curtsy to the Queen, and I do stand for the National Anthem.

There was an interview with Prince Philip, Fiona Bruce interviewed him on the occasion of his 90th birthday...goodness, what an absolute arse she made of herself, and what a delight The Duke was! Not one to suffer fools, and she is a fool indeed.
You would have thought she would have done her homework. Cringe cringe cringe...
Thank goodness the programme was more than just the interview.
 Having previously not known all that much about the Queen's Consort, I am now quite a fan.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b011vnn2/The_Duke_at_90/

We are steeped in History here, I live very close to Hampton Court, and to Kingston, where the Coronation Stone is..strangely positioned quite casually near  the bus stop next to  the municipal buildings.
A good lesson that could be learned by South Africans, history is history here, both good and bad.
It is important to remember what has gone before.

I am fascinated by the Tudors, and every day I learn something more about our history. What a pleasure to fill in the gaps in my knowledge just by a simple walk through London.
Some things I am embarrassed to admit to. For example,  I thought the Globe Theater was in Stratford upon Avon and was somewhat surprised to see it on the South Bank.

Geography, not so much. Most of the time, if I am slightly out of London, I have no idea where I am or where I am going.
At this point, I need to make a correction to a previous post..apparently we went to Suffolk, not Norfolk, so Dr Lauren informs me .
I rest my case.

Eternal Optimist

These are my sunglasses, handily placed on the windowsill next to the front door. Of course, rain or no rain I do still wear a pair every day, but am tending to wear my 'light' pairs, and not the  'dark' pairs for seriously strong sunlight, but they are there, just in case. Sometimes I have to take 2 pairs with me in case I am suddenly blinded by the light. The Gorgeous son got me a pair of Prada glasses, they are fabulous.
For this current wishy washy sun, I am considering a pair of blue sunglasses.
Today is a good day, the washing is on the line, and I am typing this outside, wearing my Prada sunglasses over my reading glasses.
The ray bans are good glasses, not as stylish as the Pradas, and I am thinking that I may need a pair of 'bling' glasses, perhaps for when I go to the sculpture exhibition at Somerset house.
Not too Chavvy, of course, discreet bling.
Unfortunately, (not seen in the photograph) is also my coat rack thing, with all my pashmina's and jackets and rain gear.
Aw...come on summer! Play the game! I am all ready and waiting.

On the Domestic Front again..

My life is complete.
Today in Sainsburys I found TOILET WIPES.
Now I surely have them all, and am quite excited at the idea of teaching The Hubby and visiting Gorgeous Son how to use them.
The wipes  are on top of the toilet cistern. Nice , discreet little packet, with instructions.

OMG I love this country.

And, I went to the 99p shop, and can you believe it, there was a BOGOF  on toothpaste and shower gel. So, 2 tubes of signal toothpaste, 2 shower gels, 4 cakes of imperial leather soap, 12 penlight batteries (they don't call them that here...so 12 AA batteries, all for less than £4.
Now, that is impressive!

(I have had queries and complaints, so for non- poms,  BOGOF is  'buy one get one free'.)

The Hubby is home at the minute, and when we were having our coffee outside (there was a brief moment of sun) Dave, The Next Door Cat was sitting on the fence, and The Hubby said "Hello Dave" and WAVED at him.
I nearly fell off the chair laughing and The Hubby got all in a humf and said it was my influence, and that he fully expected to come home one day and find me in the garden like a Disney character with birdies and squirrels and foxes and rabbit all dancing around me.

I quite like that picture to be honest!.

Travels out of London

 We went out on a trip to the country (Norwich) to meet up with Darling Simon's family for a birthday celebration.
It is actually quite a big deal to go out in a CAR.
(see pic of The Hubby driving)
Actually , The Hubby got somewhat carried away and thought he was Jenson Button. Was fine on the motorway, but a bit scary on the teeny wee country lanes.
On the way back from the pub, we rounded a corner and nearly crashed into a combine harvester and I said "Jesus Fuck!" and Dr Lauren said it was like being in a car with the exorcist and was quite rude, I would have thought she would be a bit more concerned when her mother was having a heart attack, and not be so picky about my language.
  I had actually planned to drive from the family home to the pub, but Dr Lauren looked so horrified at the very idea that I thought better of it.

       Bear in mind, that I have not driven a car for TWO YEARS! Can you believe that?

It was a lovely day out, we went under the Dartmouth tunnel and back over the Queen Elizabeth II  bridge, the big photo is what it looks like when it is not pissing down with rain.
The toll is £1.50, which I thought was quite reasonable for a trip in a tunnel and then another trip over a pretty kak impressive bridge.

It didn't actually rain while we were out, but it rained ALL the way home.
Summer se gat.

Crime in London

Never fails to amaze me, this country! Everyday, something new for me.

Today there was a knock at the door, nice young lad, who explained to me that he has just been released from prison, is on probation, and is selling door to door to try to get his life back on track.
Bless him, he was very nervous, and hastened to ensure me that he was no threat.

He is from Middlesborough, and had such a strong accent that I only understood about one word in five.
Apparently, he was involved in an altercation, did some bodily harm, and went down for 4 months.
I bought a 'Kitchen Magician' for £9.95 which apparently slices, shreds, shaves, peels, grates and grooves.
I gave him another £5 .
He is some Mother's son after all.

The Gorgeous Son came to stay over last night, we watched The King's Speech and The Apprentice and Not Going Out, it was fabulous for me to have some company, we had a great time.
He also had some crap door to door jobs when he first arrived here...and I hope some Mommies took pity on him as well.
Be nice y'all, as my very dear friend says.

British Museum

Is it just me, or is this centuries old Chinese statue the image of Mr Bean??

Fox

Argh! I so want to feed the fox! The Hubby will not let me, and my guilt inducing convent upbringing will not allow me to do it after I have promised that I won't.
Yesterday the fox came right up to the kitchen door and was eating the squirrel food...how desperately sad is that? I can't bear it.
There is a pork chop in the fridge...maybe I should just throw it out..it may be going off...is that feeding the fox?

Maybe if I don't feed the fox , he will end up eating Hoppy?

Ohmigod, the dilemmas of wildlife in England.

Hoppy has returned after being away for so long...all by himself, and thin as anything. I have noticed that all the other squirrels communicate by whirring their tails around...not poor Hoppy. He has no friends to whirr to.
Spent about an hour chasing away Rogue and Meisie Squirrel so that Hoppy could eat the nuts... they bully him and he is scared of them. Also now have two enormous wood pidgeons that Hoppy hates as well.
And the fox.
Bloody hell.

I hope my neighbours never hear me

'Oh Hoppy! Where have you BEEN? Wait, wait, mummy will go and get some nuts for you...oh oh , look! It's that naughty Rogue, never mind , mummy will chase him away'
Clap clap hands, saying 'naughty naughty..off you go'
'Never mind Hoppy, come on , up on the table, here you are , nummy nummy monkey nuts and Look! OooH Mummy has a jaffa cake for you....

I am losing it..aren't I?
..time to get a job.

Mystery

Very Strange Thing.

Many things no longer fit me.Wedding dress, obviously, and my ever so fashionable jeans from the 80's, in fact, all those terrible 80's clothes...my ever so expensive Ruth Reed and Yakira outfits, even hats and shoes can no longer stretch around my obviously revolting 50 year old body. Hell, even stuff I bought last year is a problem...

But..you know what?

My wedding ring is still a perfect fit.

Dirty London

I truly love the fact that all the galleries, museums and exhibitions are free...what a pleasure to take a day out in London and cruise all the shows!

This one was a bit disappointing...no photos allowed , apparently because the exhibits contain human bits and pieces, so as a result I cannot post a picture of the poo sculpture.

Bet you are all very upset about that.

Don't be...it wasn't very impressive.

However...the new Saatchi exhibition has just opened to very mixed reviews...I am going to go this weekend and will report back!

Weather Report

Phew! Summer truly is here.

It is 23 degrees and I am SWEATING!
Maybe I have acclimatised.
Maybe it really is hot
Maybe menopause and summer are a lethal combination.

FNB

Amazing that FNB can annoy me from a million miles away....

Had to pay my dear friend and wonderful photographer Loureeze Pienaar (PicInk Photography) , for photos she is taking for me.

FNB send me my OTP (one time pin) to complete the transaction. Why on earth they use this system is beyond me. They cancelled the Digitag service, whilst it was archaic, it did work.
So now I am trying to pay.
Nope. No way. Put in the pin and tried the whole thing... no...phone them.
No skype number or international service, so , for their mistake, I am paying for the call.

Get through to the answering service thing which tells me if I don't choose one of the numbers , and have to speak to a REAL PERSON, it will cost me R50.

Not Happy does not quite describe my feelings.
Anyway, nice chappie, tells me all I have to do, is press CTRL -

Well ...yes....
Who has ever the fuck heard of CTRL-???

I asked him if maybe this was a problem, seeing as all I am working on is windows...how hard can it be?
He doesn't know.
If this is a common problem, why don't they say...press CTRL- on the site?
He doesn't know.

After half an hour I eventually managed to pay Loureeze.

This is altogether stupid.
Here, no charges on ATM transactions.
No charges on any debit card transactions, or credit card transactions.

Jeez guys...get with the fucking programme.

Boobs

NHS is very jacked here.
I got a letter to inform me of my appointment for a mammogram.
I couldn't go to the first one, as I had the broken ankle.
Next appointment, also couldn't go (still broken ankle)
Next one...was so excited that I missed it by thinking it was Tuesday when it was actually Wednesday. In my defense, this was all around easter and with all the holidays I didn't know what the hell day it was.
Next appointment, got there, they had closed due to unexpected illness.
So today was the day.

Everyone in England has learned a valuable lesson from Jane Goody (Goodie?) She ignored 3 NHS letters asking her to go for a pap smear, and then she died of cervical cancer.
Many people have said that she cashed in on the publicity and so on , but she did millions of women a very good service by doing so. Apparently, after her death, the appointments kept went up by an unprecedented amount.
Taking my past mammograms with me, I discovered that I last went in 2005, and previous to that, 2001.
Not great. I am glad the NHS has now taken responsibility for my health. They are doing a better job than I was.
I go for a bone scan in July.
I feel very cared for.

Summer

They said today was the first day of summer, and indeed it is so.
Clouds are gone, rain is gone, and so far it is 17 degrees.
Am sitting outside with the wee pee cee with my sunglasses over my reading glasses. Am wearing short sleeved T shirt and capri pants. (and underwear, obviously)

Got up early this morning...walked to Station, train to Waterloo, tube to Euston, dropped off MOTHER.
Tube back to Vauxhall (for variety) train to Surbiton, bus to Kingston, little walk to mobile mammogram unit, had boobs squished and squashed, bus home.
Happy day!

I am going to sit out in the sunshine with a glass of wine and my Kindle, then perhaps order a pizza and prepare myself for Big TV Night.
Britain's got talent, followed by The Apprentice, followed by You're fired (interview with fired apprentice) on at the same time as Britain's Got Talent results show, then  Louis Theroux in some godforsaken prison somewhere...Oh What a Night!